1 00:06:23,251 --> 00:06:26,550 Look, Hickle you're the head of the ClA 2 00:06:26,822 --> 00:06:30,383 Your attempt to overthrow Castro at the Bay of Pigs was so inept... 3 00:06:30,592 --> 00:06:32,992 a circus clown wouldn't take credit for it 4 00:06:33,228 --> 00:06:35,059 l want an explanation 5 00:06:35,297 --> 00:06:38,528 Senator, we sent you our complete internal review of the matter 6 00:06:38,767 --> 00:06:40,564 One page 7 00:06:41,303 --> 00:06:43,863 l consider this completely unacceptable 8 00:06:45,774 --> 00:06:48,538 Why do you think l fought on the Beaches at Normandy 9 00:06:48,777 --> 00:06:51,371 To preserve the last best hope of mankind 10 00:06:51,680 --> 00:06:54,444 or just because l wanted my kneecaps shattered 11 00:06:54,950 --> 00:06:57,418 Well, l can't say, l really don't know you that well 12 00:06:57,652 --> 00:06:59,711 l want an answer 13 00:07:00,422 --> 00:07:01,980 And according to this, the only man 14 00:07:02,224 --> 00:07:05,591 who can give it to me is officer 15 00:07:06,061 --> 00:07:08,154 Quimp, Allen Quimp 16 00:07:08,563 --> 00:07:10,053 Gee, this is so exciting 17 00:07:10,265 --> 00:07:13,428 the U.S. Senate and a secret to boot 18 00:07:13,635 --> 00:07:15,227 Hey, everybody 19 00:07:15,470 --> 00:07:16,835 Allen, get a grip 20 00:07:17,339 --> 00:07:19,864 Gentlemen, you have before you photographs, documents and other... 21 00:07:20,141 --> 00:07:22,666 pertinent information on Officer Quimp's life and work 22 00:07:22,944 --> 00:07:26,846 Officer Quimp, when did you join the company 23 00:07:27,082 --> 00:07:28,640 1959 24 00:07:29,551 --> 00:07:30,313 TOP SECRET 25 00:07:30,552 --> 00:07:31,883 What's your area of the expertise? 26 00:07:32,320 --> 00:07:34,845 Guerrilla warfare, torture, assassination 27 00:07:35,156 --> 00:07:35,986 Grammar 28 00:07:36,324 --> 00:07:37,382 Gram... 29 00:07:37,626 --> 00:07:38,183 Did he say grammar 30 00:07:38,393 --> 00:07:38,984 Grammar 31 00:07:39,227 --> 00:07:42,025 Grammar, yes, l was a grammar teacher before l joined the ClA 32 00:07:42,397 --> 00:07:46,561 Language is my love, although l did do some Driver's Ed instruction 33 00:07:46,801 --> 00:07:49,702 mostly l was the main grammar teacher at Greenwich Prep 34 00:07:49,905 --> 00:07:52,533 Although also l did substitute for the Spanish teacher if that was ever 35 00:07:52,774 --> 00:07:54,708 necessary Buenos tardes, estudiantes 36 00:07:58,113 --> 00:07:59,876 Also, l knew a little Russian 37 00:08:01,082 --> 00:08:02,379 You spoke Russian? 38 00:08:02,584 --> 00:08:05,314 No...l knew a little Russian 39 00:08:07,322 --> 00:08:09,415 He worked at our country club you know 40 00:08:09,624 --> 00:08:11,558 l just feel that all the problems facing... 41 00:08:11,793 --> 00:08:14,591 our nation today stem from failure to 42 00:08:14,896 --> 00:08:16,887 communicate, thus the Cold War 43 00:08:17,132 --> 00:08:21,068 But before there could be parity in the world there must be clarity in the word 44 00:08:21,269 --> 00:08:22,258 you know that l like to say 45 00:08:22,504 --> 00:08:28,136 l like to say a country that understands the proper use of the objective pronouns 46 00:08:28,410 --> 00:08:30,537 is a country with the... 47 00:08:35,317 --> 00:08:37,182 proper objectives 48 00:08:38,553 --> 00:08:40,384 l don't understand a thing he's talking about 49 00:08:40,589 --> 00:08:42,648 Yes, very commendable 50 00:08:42,891 --> 00:08:46,088 Can you tell us about the Bay of Pigs? 51 00:08:46,328 --> 00:08:48,228 Oh that, well that pretty much started 52 00:08:48,463 --> 00:08:50,829 the night we decided to make our attic into an office 53 00:08:51,066 --> 00:08:53,796 l hadn't joined The Company yet and Daisy 54 00:08:54,069 --> 00:08:55,331 that's my wife, Daisy 55 00:08:55,637 --> 00:08:58,071 She and Kissy, that's our little dog came up 56 00:08:58,340 --> 00:09:00,501 to join me, and Daisy and l spent 57 00:09:00,775 --> 00:09:05,940 the waning minutes of the day, talking as we always did, about my work 58 00:09:06,314 --> 00:09:08,874 Allen, when are you going to find a real job 59 00:09:09,117 --> 00:09:10,607 Teaching grammar is a real job 60 00:09:10,852 --> 00:09:13,150 Allen, smart people don't become teachers 61 00:09:13,388 --> 00:09:15,447 Do you think President Eisendhower... 62 00:09:15,724 --> 00:09:17,351 Though, oh, what should l do with my life? 63 00:09:17,592 --> 00:09:21,153 Save the free world or increase man's understanding of the comma 64 00:09:21,363 --> 00:09:24,594 Daisy, please. Say what you like about me but leave the comma out of this 65 00:09:24,833 --> 00:09:27,700 Now my dream is that you take an upper management position 66 00:09:27,902 --> 00:09:29,733 at a Blue Chip Wall ST firm 67 00:09:30,005 --> 00:09:31,597 And you get a bonus so big our neighbor's will throw up and 68 00:09:31,873 --> 00:09:34,239 we can put in a pool and hire a maid 69 00:09:34,509 --> 00:09:37,307 Now if that makes me a Dewey-eyed idealist, so be it 70 00:09:37,746 --> 00:09:40,909 Daisy, what l'm doing may not pay like a Wall Street job 71 00:09:41,149 --> 00:09:42,013 lt doesn't 72 00:09:42,283 --> 00:09:44,251 lt's just as a valuable, you know the less 73 00:09:44,452 --> 00:09:46,977 we rely on grammar the more we sound like animals 74 00:09:47,222 --> 00:09:49,281 Not a good idea in the nuclear age 75 00:09:49,758 --> 00:09:52,352 As Shaw put it so brilliantly in Pygamalion 76 00:09:52,594 --> 00:09:55,028 Language is what separates us from the animals 77 00:09:55,230 --> 00:09:57,460 Well, quote my favourite philosopher, me 78 00:09:57,699 --> 00:10:00,031 money is what separates us from the animals 79 00:10:00,268 --> 00:10:04,398 For instance look at Kissy, she can be poor and still have a fur coat 80 00:10:04,806 --> 00:10:06,103 l cannot 81 00:10:07,242 --> 00:10:09,574 The reason she was so set on having a fur 82 00:10:09,844 --> 00:10:12,142 was that there was the benefit coming up at The Arts Center 83 00:10:12,347 --> 00:10:16,215 And the great Russian ballet dancer Rudolph Petrov, was going to perform 84 00:10:16,418 --> 00:10:20,445 Well, Daisy was determined to go to that benefit looking her best 85 00:10:21,556 --> 00:10:24,286 But since my salary as a teacher left me 86 00:10:24,559 --> 00:10:27,050 you know, unable to buy her what she wanted 87 00:10:27,362 --> 00:10:29,421 Daisy took matters into her own hands 88 00:10:29,731 --> 00:10:30,823 What are you doing here? 89 00:10:31,366 --> 00:10:34,665 Well, everyone at the benefit is going to be 90 00:10:34,869 --> 00:10:36,928 wearing some kind of fur except me... 91 00:10:37,138 --> 00:10:40,073 Poor Mrs. For-Some-Dumb-Reason- She-Married-A-School-Teacher 92 00:10:40,308 --> 00:10:41,935 So l took your typewriter and a number of 93 00:10:42,177 --> 00:10:45,203 your things l never much cared for and l came here to pawn them 94 00:10:45,480 --> 00:10:48,005 You were going topawn my typewriter to buy yourself coat? 95 00:10:48,249 --> 00:10:50,080 lsn't it straight out of O'henry? 96 00:10:50,485 --> 00:10:53,045 Look, l wanted help her, l felt terrible... 97 00:10:53,288 --> 00:10:56,724 Officer Quimp? The Bay of Pigs? 98 00:10:56,925 --> 00:11:00,520 Oh, yes, l'm just coming that, so it all started that night in the attic... 99 00:11:00,729 --> 00:11:02,856 when l told her that l was working on a secret project 100 00:11:03,231 --> 00:11:05,062 Secret project 101 00:11:05,233 --> 00:11:07,565 Yes, l was writing a book that would blow 102 00:11:07,769 --> 00:11:10,636 the lid off one of the greatest scandals known in the free world 103 00:11:10,839 --> 00:11:13,137 The Grammar Crisis in the English Speaking World 104 00:11:13,374 --> 00:11:15,865 do you really think that's going To clutter the beaches next summer? 105 00:11:16,177 --> 00:11:19,305 Allen, for a book to sell it has to have sex and shame 106 00:11:19,647 --> 00:11:21,274 And people losing control of themselves 107 00:11:21,516 --> 00:11:23,541 like Peyton Place or the Bible 108 00:11:23,785 --> 00:11:26,185 Well, maybe l just need a juicier title but have faith in me, Daisy 109 00:11:26,488 --> 00:11:28,456 l do have faith in you, that's why l want 110 00:11:28,757 --> 00:11:30,418 you to get a real job with commuting and 111 00:11:30,725 --> 00:11:33,694 ulcers and a briefcase l can get engraved for you 112 00:11:33,928 --> 00:11:36,055 where you can get a secretary and l can get a maid 113 00:11:36,297 --> 00:11:38,424 That's l want, and l want it by the time of 114 00:11:38,666 --> 00:11:40,031 the Art Center benefit 115 00:11:40,235 --> 00:11:41,429 Sweetheart, l can't possibly 116 00:11:41,703 --> 00:11:43,534 Don't make me call Daddy 117 00:11:44,506 --> 00:11:46,872 This was the ultimate threat, if she called 118 00:11:47,108 --> 00:11:48,837 her father then he'd call me 119 00:11:49,110 --> 00:11:51,670 And before l knew it l'd be we'd be playing squash 120 00:11:54,849 --> 00:11:58,842 But, irritated as l was with Daisy l have toadmit she might be right 121 00:11:59,053 --> 00:12:02,853 A sexier title might shock the public into paying attention to my book 122 00:12:03,324 --> 00:12:09,593 THE NAKED AND THE PLURAL 123 00:12:09,964 --> 00:12:11,488 Greetings, cats and kiddies, this is Dick 124 00:12:11,733 --> 00:12:14,258 the Strict Deerly and the news is that WHlTE is changing... 125 00:12:14,536 --> 00:12:17,198 its format starting now our new call letters 126 00:12:17,438 --> 00:12:19,065 are WBLK and we're going to play the new... 127 00:12:19,274 --> 00:12:21,174 sound that will lift you off the ground 128 00:12:21,409 --> 00:12:24,901 that throbbing, bobbing new thing called rock'n roll 129 00:12:25,113 --> 00:12:27,172 What? What is this? 130 00:12:29,250 --> 00:12:33,118 This is terrible, that was my favourite station 131 00:12:34,756 --> 00:12:36,621 l've never heard anything like this in my life 132 00:12:38,793 --> 00:12:40,761 What is it? l love it 133 00:12:55,009 --> 00:12:56,977 Not since l'd first discovered dangling 134 00:12:57,145 --> 00:12:59,841 participates had anything thrilled me so much 135 00:13:00,114 --> 00:13:03,015 So l did something no one from Greenwich had ever done 136 00:13:03,218 --> 00:13:06,016 l went to Bridgeport looking for rock'n roll 137 00:13:22,704 --> 00:13:27,334 lt's the most fantastic music you ever heard it's utterly without inhibition 138 00:13:27,575 --> 00:13:31,102 Speaking of being utterly without things look at my shoulders 139 00:13:31,512 --> 00:13:33,002 And look at those beautiful stoles on 140 00:13:33,214 --> 00:13:34,875 Betty Crichton and Sally Smith Johnson 141 00:13:35,116 --> 00:13:37,107 Of course, their husbands commute to New York to be 142 00:13:37,318 --> 00:13:38,444 vice-president of something 143 00:13:38,753 --> 00:13:41,313 That's why they sit near the window or by the fireplace 144 00:13:42,657 --> 00:13:44,181 And then there is our section 145 00:13:47,862 --> 00:13:51,229 Don't you think it's funny that everyone else in your family is so successful? 146 00:13:51,466 --> 00:13:53,195 Your brothers make a million dollars a year 147 00:13:53,468 --> 00:13:54,366 Chuck doesn't 148 00:13:54,602 --> 00:13:56,763 Well no, they don't pay astronauts 149 00:13:57,038 --> 00:13:58,767 that much ,but he's also an inventor 150 00:13:59,007 --> 00:14:02,272 Oh, please, like somebody's going to buy something called a compact disk 151 00:14:02,510 --> 00:14:04,603 Who wants smaller records? You'll get fewer songs 152 00:14:04,812 --> 00:14:07,042 Everyone thought that l'd marry someone respectable 153 00:14:07,515 --> 00:14:10,416 You know, if only l'd kept in touch with that nice roy Cohn 154 00:14:11,586 --> 00:14:14,214 Well, if you won't organize your job search l will 155 00:14:14,522 --> 00:14:16,547 Starting tomorrow, we're going to spend the afternoon together 156 00:14:16,824 --> 00:14:18,758 We're going to go through the want ads until we find something 157 00:14:21,663 --> 00:14:24,427 Clerk? No, part time, Heavens no 158 00:14:24,766 --> 00:14:26,734 Vice president, yes 159 00:14:28,136 --> 00:14:29,160 Allen? 160 00:14:30,305 --> 00:14:31,795 Time to do the want ads 161 00:14:34,509 --> 00:14:35,771 Hotsy plus totsy 162 00:14:36,911 --> 00:14:38,003 Allen 163 00:14:48,957 --> 00:14:52,825 At last l had found a safe place but not long 164 00:14:53,127 --> 00:14:54,321 because while l was gone... 165 00:14:54,595 --> 00:14:56,790 Daisy called her father and that meant 166 00:14:57,999 --> 00:15:01,765 it's 1959, Allen, a good time to be 167 00:15:02,036 --> 00:15:03,594 white American male 168 00:15:03,871 --> 00:15:06,066 Maybe the last good time you need to get 169 00:15:06,307 --> 00:15:09,037 your piece of the pie before somebody subdivides it 170 00:15:12,413 --> 00:15:13,402 l'm okay 171 00:15:13,848 --> 00:15:17,147 You have fallen asleep under the back 172 00:15:17,385 --> 00:15:19,353 wheel of the Cadillac of Life 173 00:15:19,721 --> 00:15:22,554 And l am here to pull you to safety 174 00:15:22,724 --> 00:15:23,816 Oh, God, oh, no 175 00:15:24,058 --> 00:15:26,322 Understand me now? l'm saying 176 00:15:26,594 --> 00:15:28,425 get a nine to five, three martini 177 00:15:28,663 --> 00:15:29,425 six figure job... 178 00:15:29,697 --> 00:15:31,688 like every other man in Connecticut within the month 179 00:15:32,834 --> 00:15:36,964 or l will get in my Cadillac and back up over you 180 00:15:38,673 --> 00:15:44,111 l've set up interviews, US Steel American Motors, Bon Vivant Soupt 181 00:15:44,345 --> 00:15:47,837 after school every day for as long as it takes 182 00:15:48,082 --> 00:15:51,017 you're getting a real job, like it or not 183 00:15:51,219 --> 00:15:51,685 Oh, but l can't 184 00:15:51,986 --> 00:15:53,248 Wet the rocks 185 00:16:04,599 --> 00:16:07,966 You don't think that crummy little job at 186 00:16:08,202 --> 00:16:10,568 the school is my real job to you? 187 00:16:11,339 --> 00:16:12,601 lt's a front 188 00:16:12,874 --> 00:16:15,843 Don't boil me, boy, cut the excuses and 189 00:16:16,144 --> 00:16:17,133 wet the rocks 190 00:16:17,378 --> 00:16:21,337 This excuse is my work, l mean this is not an excuse, it's my work 191 00:16:22,683 --> 00:16:24,742 But l must demand total secrecy 192 00:16:25,753 --> 00:16:28,051 lf you reveal what l'm about to tell you 193 00:16:28,523 --> 00:16:30,514 lives could be lost 194 00:16:38,099 --> 00:16:39,760 l'm in the ClA 195 00:16:47,008 --> 00:16:51,502 The only way you could be in the ClA... 196 00:16:51,813 --> 00:16:55,977 is if it stood for Cowering ldiots Association 197 00:16:58,286 --> 00:16:59,412 Exactly 198 00:17:00,188 --> 00:17:01,450 That's your answer? 199 00:17:01,722 --> 00:17:03,986 What makes me such a good agent 200 00:17:04,292 --> 00:17:05,520 is that it's so obvious 201 00:17:05,793 --> 00:17:07,158 l wouldn't be a good agent 202 00:17:07,395 --> 00:17:08,453 Yeah but... 203 00:17:08,696 --> 00:17:13,030 l mean think about it, the idea spy is a man who acts in a way 204 00:17:13,267 --> 00:17:15,326 that makes it impossible to believe that 205 00:17:15,603 --> 00:17:16,900 he's a spy 206 00:17:18,372 --> 00:17:26,802 So the standard for being right for the ClA's how wrong you're for the ClA 207 00:17:27,982 --> 00:17:29,279 Exactly 208 00:17:30,318 --> 00:17:34,015 Then you are perfect for the ClA 209 00:17:37,325 --> 00:17:40,852 Whew, Yes, the ClA 210 00:17:41,429 --> 00:17:45,160 This is exhilarating, this is exhilarating 211 00:17:45,700 --> 00:17:48,430 Now, what does this mean for us money-wise? 212 00:17:48,603 --> 00:17:50,195 Oh, well, you know, not that much 213 00:17:50,438 --> 00:17:55,068 because l have to appear to live off a schoolteacher's salary 214 00:17:56,611 --> 00:17:58,545 Off a schoolteacher's salary? 215 00:18:00,515 --> 00:18:03,211 Well, here's stun-a-rooni, l don't mind 216 00:18:03,451 --> 00:18:08,047 First of all, you're sacrificing for your country, What could you be more noble? 217 00:18:08,289 --> 00:18:10,849 Second, you're risking your life for democracy 218 00:18:11,092 --> 00:18:12,992 what could be more noble? 219 00:18:13,261 --> 00:18:15,388 And third, this is the perfect way to turn 220 00:18:15,663 --> 00:18:16,823 your book into a bestseller 221 00:18:17,064 --> 00:18:20,556 Yes, tell your own story what could be more lucrative? 222 00:18:20,768 --> 00:18:23,430 Oh, no, l can't, see, it's my secret life secret life 223 00:18:23,905 --> 00:18:25,839 Even better, l will write it 224 00:18:26,474 --> 00:18:29,966 Allen...isn't life full of the most touching twists? 225 00:18:30,311 --> 00:18:32,745 You know, dear... 226 00:18:33,047 --> 00:18:34,844 for a long time, l thought that everything 227 00:18:35,116 --> 00:18:36,879 would be so much better if you just... 228 00:18:37,118 --> 00:18:42,852 l don't know, died now you could die and l so hope you won't 229 00:19:11,252 --> 00:19:14,244 He just couldn't be in the ClA 230 00:19:17,925 --> 00:19:21,622 YALE: SKULL & BONE SECRET HEADQUARTERS 231 00:19:37,511 --> 00:19:38,671 38 232 00:19:39,814 --> 00:19:41,042 39 233 00:19:42,416 --> 00:19:43,644 30! 234 00:19:46,220 --> 00:19:47,346 Polish the pennie, too 235 00:19:47,555 --> 00:19:48,749 Sir, yes, sir 236 00:19:49,557 --> 00:19:51,923 Excuse me? Did you order the hot coffee enema? 237 00:19:52,126 --> 00:19:56,062 No, that was Mr. Bush. He's at the paddling bench with Mr. Buckley 238 00:19:56,731 --> 00:19:58,892 Crunch, l need to ask a favour 239 00:19:59,133 --> 00:20:03,365 My son-in-law told me he's spy for the ClA 240 00:20:03,638 --> 00:20:05,128 Can you check for me? 241 00:20:05,373 --> 00:20:08,900 Oh, we never reveal our officers too risky you understand? 242 00:20:09,143 --> 00:20:12,977 Of course, l want you to know l'll do everything l can... 243 00:20:13,214 --> 00:20:15,842 to protect that job l got your ex-wife 244 00:20:16,117 --> 00:20:17,948 l'd hate for her to be jobless 245 00:20:18,185 --> 00:20:20,119 with only an increase in alimony... 246 00:20:20,388 --> 00:20:22,856 as a way to survive that would be hard for you 247 00:20:23,124 --> 00:20:25,092 What's your son-in-law's name? 248 00:20:36,404 --> 00:20:40,033 Take one, l don't want him to get the wrong impression of American breath 249 00:20:41,542 --> 00:20:44,340 Good evening, Doris, you look so pretty 250 00:20:44,812 --> 00:20:45,744 Hi, Doris 251 00:20:46,113 --> 00:20:51,642 Anytime, you want to go undercover with me, feel free, ClA you later 252 00:20:54,322 --> 00:20:55,186 Good evening 253 00:20:55,456 --> 00:20:56,388 how are you? 254 00:20:56,657 --> 00:20:57,646 Have you been telling people 255 00:20:57,858 --> 00:20:59,052 Why would l want people to know that 256 00:20:59,093 --> 00:21:01,152 you're a noble brick in the wall against communism 257 00:21:01,429 --> 00:21:03,454 lnstead of just a balding grammar groupie 258 00:21:03,831 --> 00:21:06,664 Mr. Petrov, we loved you those tour jetes 259 00:21:06,934 --> 00:21:08,094 Yes, you are quite a jumper 260 00:21:08,369 --> 00:21:10,701 lf there's anything we can do while you're here, please let us know 261 00:21:10,971 --> 00:21:12,836 ln particular my husband could be of 262 00:21:13,074 --> 00:21:14,905 service, it's not well known... 263 00:21:15,209 --> 00:21:16,972 in actually has to be kept secret but 264 00:21:17,345 --> 00:21:19,939 my husband works for me... 265 00:21:21,415 --> 00:21:22,313 What? 266 00:21:22,583 --> 00:21:24,244 ClA 267 00:21:33,794 --> 00:21:34,920 Friend Quimp? 268 00:21:35,496 --> 00:21:36,758 Hello there, Jumper 269 00:21:37,765 --> 00:21:39,562 This is American party custom? 270 00:21:39,900 --> 00:21:41,527 This is Quimp party custom 271 00:21:41,769 --> 00:21:44,533 sometimes l feel l have to get away 272 00:21:44,839 --> 00:21:45,828 Me, too 273 00:21:46,107 --> 00:21:47,938 l feel so oppressed 274 00:21:48,376 --> 00:21:52,244 You mean by the failure of the system the corruption of moral authority... 275 00:21:52,546 --> 00:21:55,743 and the exploitation of the artist by an unfeeling bureaucracy? 276 00:21:56,751 --> 00:22:00,278 Well, sure okay, that an my wife 277 00:22:00,821 --> 00:22:02,721 A man must be free 278 00:22:03,391 --> 00:22:05,325 You speak the words of my heart 279 00:22:06,160 --> 00:22:09,459 Thank you there, jumper, l don't think l've ever done that 280 00:22:14,402 --> 00:22:16,063 So you would support me? 281 00:22:17,104 --> 00:22:20,005 Well, not in any financial way, no, but 282 00:22:20,241 --> 00:22:22,209 you know, look, l'm all for a guy geeing free 283 00:22:25,179 --> 00:22:26,669 Where do you go during day? 284 00:22:26,914 --> 00:22:29,815 l'm a Grammar and Driver's Ed teacher over at Greenwich Prep 285 00:22:30,451 --> 00:22:32,544 Kids, this is an historic day for 286 00:22:32,787 --> 00:22:35,381 Greenwich Prep. Because Rudolph Petrov 287 00:22:35,723 --> 00:22:39,056 Russia's premiere ballet dancer is touring our great land 288 00:22:39,326 --> 00:22:40,486 which some of you may recall from 289 00:22:40,761 --> 00:22:43,286 the geography is called the United States 290 00:22:43,864 --> 00:22:49,097 He was asked what he most wanted to see and he said a Driver's Ed Class 291 00:22:50,171 --> 00:22:52,401 Allen Quimp, start your engine 292 00:22:52,640 --> 00:22:54,107 Yes, sir, Jumper 293 00:22:58,078 --> 00:23:00,603 lt's a thrill to meet you, Mr. Petrov When my asthma improves 294 00:23:00,881 --> 00:23:02,007 l want to be a ballerina 295 00:23:02,416 --> 00:23:03,883 Your handler wants in there, Jumper 296 00:23:04,118 --> 00:23:06,382 He is not just handler, he is KGB 297 00:23:06,587 --> 00:23:08,817 Please Quimpy, l wish to defecate 298 00:23:09,123 --> 00:23:10,750 Oh listen, l always tell the kids to do that before 299 00:23:10,791 --> 00:23:13,123 No...l mean defect, l wish to defect 300 00:23:13,427 --> 00:23:14,416 You want to leave Russia? 301 00:23:14,628 --> 00:23:15,959 Just as you're winning the space race? 302 00:23:16,197 --> 00:23:16,856 Please 303 00:23:17,064 --> 00:23:18,827 Jumper, l'm the wrong person to defect to 304 00:23:19,066 --> 00:23:21,227 l'm grammar, you want Mrs. Scobey current events 305 00:23:21,469 --> 00:23:23,937 Of course you're the right person you are Mr. ClA 306 00:23:24,271 --> 00:23:25,602 Daisy 307 00:23:25,906 --> 00:23:29,535 Please, Quimpy, if you give me back to them, they'll send me to a camp or 308 00:23:30,177 --> 00:23:30,871 Or what? 309 00:23:31,212 --> 00:23:32,577 Or put me under house arrest 310 00:23:32,813 --> 00:23:36,078 alone in apartment with only my wife 311 00:23:36,884 --> 00:23:40,615 Nora, place your foot on the gas pedal Look both ways and while hot forgetting 312 00:23:40,921 --> 00:23:43,685 to use your turn signals, floor it... 313 00:23:43,991 --> 00:23:45,549 Stop car 314 00:23:45,860 --> 00:23:47,157 Where? l don't know where to go 315 00:23:47,361 --> 00:23:48,692 Nora, l know you're tense, but there's 316 00:23:48,929 --> 00:23:50,658 no sense in ending your sentence on a preposition 317 00:23:50,865 --> 00:23:51,797 Halt 318 00:23:54,168 --> 00:23:54,827 Use the wipers 319 00:23:55,102 --> 00:23:55,625 Stop car 320 00:23:55,836 --> 00:23:56,530 Step on it 321 00:23:56,770 --> 00:23:57,828 l'm trying 322 00:23:58,072 --> 00:24:03,237 Speedup, speed up, step on it slow down, slow down 323 00:24:03,544 --> 00:24:04,408 Nice work 324 00:24:06,680 --> 00:24:09,444 Nora, we'll never escape if you don't leave the practice circle 325 00:24:09,750 --> 00:24:11,581 Stop car, come back 326 00:24:11,852 --> 00:24:14,218 You better not take off any points for me driving on the lawn 327 00:24:14,588 --> 00:24:17,523 Where are you taking me? Do you have a safe place? 328 00:24:18,459 --> 00:24:21,895 l want you to wait up here, you're going to just love it, l wish l could... 329 00:24:22,129 --> 00:24:25,326 come up with you, but my wife likes me to come straight home after school 330 00:24:38,245 --> 00:24:42,113 Mom, guys, Hi, is everything all right? 331 00:24:42,316 --> 00:24:44,944 Daisy told us the absurd story about the ClA 332 00:24:45,252 --> 00:24:47,152 We think you should be hospitalized 333 00:24:47,388 --> 00:24:50,482 l voted against it, Allen, l still say you don't need an overnight 334 00:24:50,724 --> 00:24:51,782 for shock therapy 335 00:24:52,026 --> 00:24:54,017 Allen, show them your badge 336 00:24:54,128 --> 00:24:56,096 or a stun gun or something 337 00:24:56,330 --> 00:24:58,662 You know, just because some of you have Nobel Prize 338 00:24:58,933 --> 00:25:00,298 doesn't mean you know everything 339 00:25:00,634 --> 00:25:02,727 ln fact, you are so wrong right now 340 00:25:02,970 --> 00:25:05,234 because one of my Driver's Ed Students and l... 341 00:25:05,539 --> 00:25:07,598 just helped a Russian ballerina, whom l 342 00:25:07,875 --> 00:25:10,537 sat in a sand trap with, outrun the KGB 343 00:25:10,811 --> 00:25:14,338 and defect from the Soviet Union by stashing him up a tree l frequent 344 00:25:14,782 --> 00:25:16,079 l am ready to change my vote 345 00:25:16,317 --> 00:25:17,079 Tom, phone the nurse 346 00:25:17,351 --> 00:25:17,874 l'll dial 347 00:25:18,118 --> 00:25:21,884 No...wait...even now, l'm waiting 348 00:25:22,456 --> 00:25:28,395 for a phone call from headquarter 349 00:25:28,662 --> 00:25:30,687 which will give me my instructions 350 00:25:32,933 --> 00:25:35,060 lt could also be a personal call 351 00:25:35,302 --> 00:25:37,293 sometimes they like to come right to the door 352 00:25:41,475 --> 00:25:42,407 Allen Quimp? 353 00:25:42,676 --> 00:25:45,611 Yes, are you from the ClA? 354 00:25:47,414 --> 00:25:49,814 Yes, how did you know? 355 00:25:50,384 --> 00:25:52,682 l'm sorry, who are you? 356 00:25:53,220 --> 00:25:54,346 Officer Hickle 357 00:25:54,688 --> 00:25:55,586 And you're from where? 358 00:25:56,390 --> 00:25:57,516 The ClA 359 00:25:58,125 --> 00:26:00,958 And you wish to speak with whom? 360 00:26:01,228 --> 00:26:03,628 You, Allen Quimp 361 00:26:05,132 --> 00:26:06,497 And you're from where? 362 00:26:08,502 --> 00:26:09,662 The ClA 363 00:26:13,207 --> 00:26:15,869 Well, right this way 364 00:26:16,110 --> 00:26:18,670 Officer Hickle from the ClA 365 00:26:18,946 --> 00:26:21,471 l think we can speak safely in the fumpus room 366 00:26:33,794 --> 00:26:36,592 lmpersonating a ClA officer is against the law 367 00:26:36,830 --> 00:26:38,855 ln the interest of national security... 368 00:26:39,099 --> 00:26:41,659 we must demand that you cease any such claims 369 00:26:41,935 --> 00:26:43,926 Am l being crystal clear? 370 00:26:44,171 --> 00:26:44,933 Yes, but... 371 00:26:45,205 --> 00:26:46,866 Thank you, good day 372 00:26:47,975 --> 00:26:50,239 But what am l supposed to do with Rudolph Petrov? 373 00:26:51,011 --> 00:26:52,979 l just helped him defect 374 00:26:56,116 --> 00:26:59,279 You helped Rudolph Petrov defect from the Soviet Union? 375 00:26:59,486 --> 00:27:03,718 Yeah, he wants to move here, boy, if he likes our Arts Centre enough... 376 00:27:03,991 --> 00:27:05,083 to risk his life, wait till he gets a load of 377 00:27:05,325 --> 00:27:06,690 Radio City Music Hall 378 00:27:06,727 --> 00:27:09,719 Well, this is quite a coup for the ClA Allen 379 00:27:09,963 --> 00:27:13,330 Yeah, well, except you didn't do it l did and l am not in the ClA 380 00:27:13,600 --> 00:27:15,898 Well, let's not get hasty 381 00:27:16,937 --> 00:27:18,632 Are you interested in working for us? 382 00:27:18,872 --> 00:27:19,770 Desperately 383 00:27:20,007 --> 00:27:23,306 l'll send for the helicopter, l'll take you and Petrov in 384 00:27:25,345 --> 00:27:26,835 Ever been in the military 385 00:27:27,114 --> 00:27:29,241 Oh, yeah, well, Scouts 386 00:27:30,417 --> 00:27:33,580 lf we make Quimp an officer, the ClA can take credit for Petrov 387 00:27:33,821 --> 00:27:34,788 We know nothing about him 388 00:27:35,055 --> 00:27:38,388 The ClA is not a playground Human life is at stake 389 00:27:38,926 --> 00:27:41,588 But good press is more precious than human life 390 00:27:42,629 --> 00:27:46,588 Put him on the payroll and send him to some Third World backwater 391 00:27:48,802 --> 00:27:52,499 CUBA 392 00:28:14,027 --> 00:28:14,857 Quimp 393 00:28:15,929 --> 00:28:16,588 Brian Fry 394 00:28:17,931 --> 00:28:18,761 Welcome to Cuba 395 00:28:19,299 --> 00:28:19,822 How do you do? 396 00:28:20,067 --> 00:28:20,863 How are you? 397 00:28:21,168 --> 00:28:23,762 This is so exciting, Buenos dias, Cuba 398 00:28:24,471 --> 00:28:28,202 You'll be bunking over at my place until we find a house for you and your wife 399 00:28:28,509 --> 00:28:29,271 When's she coming? 400 00:28:29,510 --> 00:28:32,479 Well, l don't like for her to be too near danger, l mean 401 00:28:33,413 --> 00:28:38,817 La playa, Hey, Officer Hickle told me that the guy l'm replacing, Mr.- 402 00:28:39,086 --> 00:28:39,882 Johnson 403 00:28:40,154 --> 00:28:42,987 Johnson, yeah, Mr. Johnson says this country's on the verge of revolution? 404 00:28:43,223 --> 00:28:45,248 Excuse me, sir, do you give me some matches? 405 00:28:45,526 --> 00:28:46,959 Oh, sure, hang on 406 00:28:47,728 --> 00:28:51,186 A muchacho, La botila, and dos fosforos 407 00:28:51,431 --> 00:28:52,227 Thank you very much 408 00:28:52,466 --> 00:28:53,490 Adios, muchacho 409 00:28:53,767 --> 00:28:56,292 Johnson was delusional, Kept claiming there were Communists here 410 00:28:56,537 --> 00:28:59,404 Chief Lowther sent him home, so don't you fret, ain't nothing going to happen 411 00:28:59,673 --> 00:29:00,435 to your wife down here 412 00:29:00,674 --> 00:29:04,166 Oh, that's good, Fry, l assume when you say: ain't nothing 413 00:29:04,511 --> 00:29:05,773 you're just trying to be colloquial... 414 00:29:06,046 --> 00:29:09,345 But l just feel l have to tell l feel there's very little use in winning 415 00:29:09,616 --> 00:29:10,708 the battle against communism 416 00:29:10,984 --> 00:29:15,478 if we lose the war against double negatives, but let's not dwell on that now 417 00:29:16,857 --> 00:29:17,915 Hey, let's not 418 00:29:19,459 --> 00:29:22,690 Are you sure there is no trouble here? 419 00:29:22,930 --> 00:29:25,524 Come on, you're part of the world's top security organization now 420 00:29:26,266 --> 00:29:30,362 Let's go meet the Chief, he brings a whole new meaning to the term Security 421 00:29:31,405 --> 00:29:34,806 Garcon...l can't believe this 422 00:29:35,108 --> 00:29:36,735 These guys are taught from early childhood 423 00:29:37,010 --> 00:29:39,069 When they hear my voice look the other way 424 00:29:40,214 --> 00:29:43,672 Anyhow, where were we? We're going to set up a dummy corporation 425 00:29:43,951 --> 00:29:45,043 you're going to be the head of it 426 00:29:45,419 --> 00:29:48,047 We'll call it American Fruit, Perfect for you 427 00:29:48,355 --> 00:29:50,687 you'll get chance that way to go out in the countryside 428 00:29:50,958 --> 00:29:52,516 You can mingle with the workers, talk to 429 00:29:52,793 --> 00:29:55,159 the farmers, you'll find out if there's anything going on 430 00:29:55,429 --> 00:29:57,397 lf there's any, believe me there'll be nothing 431 00:29:57,664 --> 00:30:00,861 going on l promise there's nothing happen in this country 432 00:30:01,168 --> 00:30:02,760 with the exception of you can't get a waiter 433 00:30:03,003 --> 00:30:06,131 before you drop dead of starvation lt's in the construction 434 00:30:06,440 --> 00:30:08,067 Look what can l tell you? You're going to 435 00:30:08,342 --> 00:30:09,809 be frustrated, there's no question about it 436 00:30:10,043 --> 00:30:12,034 You know, you outran the KGB, you're 437 00:30:12,279 --> 00:30:15,806 clearly a guy who needs a threat to his life to feel alive 438 00:30:16,116 --> 00:30:21,019 l can appreciate that, this was me years ago 439 00:30:21,321 --> 00:30:22,379 Then a car backfired and 440 00:30:22,689 --> 00:30:25,214 l had a nervous breakdown. Ended it 441 00:30:25,492 --> 00:30:27,517 Chief Lowther ran our Paris office Briefly 442 00:30:29,162 --> 00:30:31,687 l should not complain like this, really l've been here, what? 443 00:30:32,399 --> 00:30:36,028 Nothing, one, two, Monday, Tuesday eight years, l've been here 8 years 444 00:30:36,303 --> 00:30:40,399 Garcon, we'll have the Chateau Lafikke and l believe 1946 445 00:30:41,575 --> 00:30:45,409 Because '45, was you know, a war year there was shrapnel in the harvest 446 00:30:45,679 --> 00:30:48,773 And some Camembert cheese s'il vous-plait, Vite, Vite 447 00:30:49,082 --> 00:30:49,980 Tu madre es una puka 448 00:30:50,017 --> 00:30:52,315 Yes, your mother has the same problem 449 00:30:52,819 --> 00:30:54,912 Mr. Johnson, your predecessor 450 00:30:55,188 --> 00:30:57,679 for some reason Johnson was convinced 451 00:30:57,991 --> 00:31:00,289 there was a mile in the operation here 452 00:31:00,527 --> 00:31:03,291 and somebody was actually passing secrets to the Soviet Union 453 00:31:03,530 --> 00:31:04,121 Really? 454 00:31:04,364 --> 00:31:08,266 Yes...Fry and l refer to him all the time as Agent X 455 00:31:08,535 --> 00:31:11,026 My feeling is if l find Agent X l'm out 456 00:31:11,271 --> 00:31:13,136 of here, it's my passport to freedom 457 00:31:15,575 --> 00:31:16,439 What is that? 458 00:31:16,710 --> 00:31:18,234 This is Camembert cheese but they put 459 00:31:18,545 --> 00:31:20,775 but they put black beans in everything in the shaving 460 00:31:21,148 --> 00:31:24,083 That's there thing, black beans that's how they ruin 461 00:31:25,585 --> 00:31:27,644 l'm living in a nightmare, Quimp 462 00:31:27,921 --> 00:31:30,788 l can only tell you, l made one insignificant mistake 463 00:31:31,091 --> 00:31:34,254 He left his book of European codes in a Soviet-owned borthel... 464 00:31:34,828 --> 00:31:37,626 and well, forty-five of our agents were hanged 465 00:31:38,532 --> 00:31:41,399 So it was a no-no, l know that now 466 00:31:41,735 --> 00:31:45,330 You should have heard how they reacted they hung a few people 467 00:31:45,739 --> 00:31:50,301 You only did it once, lt's not like you kept leaving it at Soviet-owned brothel 468 00:31:50,610 --> 00:31:52,168 You know my own contact was poisoned 469 00:31:52,446 --> 00:31:55,779 at a sidewalk caf? l was tense, l was going crazy 470 00:31:56,049 --> 00:31:58,313 l was vibrating like a tuning fork you know 471 00:31:58,585 --> 00:32:00,246 l sought refuge at the brothel 472 00:32:00,487 --> 00:32:02,819 There was this blonde who knew very well 473 00:32:03,156 --> 00:32:04,350 how to manipulate my tensions 474 00:32:04,624 --> 00:32:07,252 Then the car backfired and l thought 475 00:32:07,561 --> 00:32:09,995 they were shooting at me, l ran out 476 00:32:10,364 --> 00:32:11,262 l left the code book 477 00:32:11,565 --> 00:32:13,624 Quimp, look at this, look 478 00:32:13,934 --> 00:32:16,562 they bring Chateau Lafikke with a paper parasol in it 479 00:32:17,504 --> 00:32:20,064 Find Agent X, get me out of here 480 00:32:22,175 --> 00:32:23,335 There is no Agent X 481 00:32:23,577 --> 00:32:24,475 Really? 482 00:32:24,745 --> 00:32:27,612 our secrets get out because the chief talks too much when he drinks 483 00:32:28,315 --> 00:32:31,910 He's sweet guy, but let's just say he's real sad 484 00:32:32,285 --> 00:32:34,412 Oh well, let's not say 'real sad' 485 00:32:34,654 --> 00:32:36,713 Real' is an adjective but you're using it to modify... 486 00:32:36,957 --> 00:32:42,327 sad which is also an adjective so you need an ah? 487 00:32:42,562 --> 00:32:43,187 Aspirin? 488 00:32:43,430 --> 00:32:47,230 No, no, Adverb...So what's the adverbial form of 'real'? 489 00:32:47,601 --> 00:32:49,728 Hey, look man, don't provoke, ok? 490 00:32:50,070 --> 00:32:51,970 l've killed people, really 491 00:32:52,172 --> 00:32:54,231 Really'? That's the adverbial form of 'real' 492 00:32:54,875 --> 00:32:56,570 so what were you saying? 493 00:32:57,677 --> 00:33:00,202 l don't know, what was l saying? cause you know l think l've only started 494 00:33:00,447 --> 00:33:03,177 one sentence since you arrived in town & we've been correcting it every since 495 00:33:03,817 --> 00:33:07,981 l'm sorry, l mean, l just feel that honoring 496 00:33:08,255 --> 00:33:09,051 the rules of grammar and 497 00:33:09,423 --> 00:33:11,414 speaking with style makes us better people 498 00:33:11,691 --> 00:33:14,592 but look l know it's not always fun to be better 499 00:33:14,895 --> 00:33:16,123 l apologize 500 00:33:16,830 --> 00:33:19,060 Okay, you want to watch some ball 501 00:33:19,232 --> 00:33:20,096 Sure 502 00:33:22,469 --> 00:33:24,437 So what do you like to do for fun? 503 00:33:24,638 --> 00:33:28,404 Well, if l'm not going to parse a sentence l love rock'n roll 504 00:33:28,642 --> 00:33:30,109 All right, who are your favourite groups 505 00:33:30,310 --> 00:33:31,607 Well, Danny and the Lifeguards, for me 506 00:33:31,845 --> 00:33:34,439 number one, but l love the Skyliners 507 00:33:34,815 --> 00:33:37,010 Hey, you know what? l was on a train once 508 00:33:37,284 --> 00:33:39,218 you're never going to believe who l sat next to 509 00:33:39,486 --> 00:33:40,612 What? 510 00:33:40,887 --> 00:33:42,479 Whom l say next to 511 00:33:42,722 --> 00:33:43,654 Right, l was sitting next to this guy 512 00:33:43,890 --> 00:33:46,688 You know, object of the preposition to so it would just have to be 'whom' 513 00:33:46,993 --> 00:33:49,962 Like l was saying, so l said to the guy 514 00:33:50,197 --> 00:33:51,323 As l was saying 'As' 515 00:33:52,666 --> 00:33:56,124 Of course, like l was, as l was saying 516 00:33:56,336 --> 00:33:57,633 Good, that's good 517 00:33:57,871 --> 00:34:00,669 So as l was saying, what was l saying? 518 00:34:01,274 --> 00:34:02,935 Oh the guy who l was sitting next to on the train 519 00:34:03,143 --> 00:34:06,670 Okay, whoa...l think we really need to 520 00:34:06,947 --> 00:34:07,879 focus on 'who' versus 'whom' 521 00:34:08,148 --> 00:34:09,479 because l don't think you're listening to me 522 00:34:09,716 --> 00:34:11,616 l don't think l can listen to you and actually 523 00:34:11,852 --> 00:34:13,877 finish my sentence at the same time, okay? 524 00:34:14,121 --> 00:34:15,952 So the guy, he who l was sitting next to on the train 525 00:34:16,189 --> 00:34:17,121 Whom, whom, whom 526 00:34:17,357 --> 00:34:18,187 What? 527 00:34:18,492 --> 00:34:20,050 Whom, l'm just going to keep saying it until you say it properly 528 00:34:20,327 --> 00:34:23,296 Okay, all right, so l say to the guy 'Do you know who' no... 529 00:34:23,630 --> 00:34:25,427 do you know whom my favourite group is 530 00:34:25,699 --> 00:34:28,463 and l say, he says 'Whom?' and l say 'the Skyliners' and the funny part is... 531 00:34:28,735 --> 00:34:31,465 it![s the lead singer of the group it's his brother 532 00:34:32,205 --> 00:34:36,835 That's funny...You see, because that time it should have been 'who' 533 00:34:37,077 --> 00:34:40,012 Who my favourite group is l feel you need 534 00:34:40,247 --> 00:34:41,441 a little work on your linking verbs 535 00:34:41,715 --> 00:34:43,114 Do you want to go over the linking verbs? 536 00:34:43,150 --> 00:34:44,845 no, maybe when we get home we could 537 00:34:45,118 --> 00:34:47,848 diagram some sentence, no, you're right that wouldn't be enough 538 00:34:48,121 --> 00:34:49,611 maybe what we could do is 539 00:34:50,123 --> 00:34:53,422 everyday l'll just keep a list of the numerous things 540 00:34:53,627 --> 00:34:55,458 you say incorrectly throughout the day 541 00:34:55,695 --> 00:34:57,253 and then when we get home, l'll take 542 00:34:57,497 --> 00:34:59,465 the list out and we can just over and over 543 00:34:59,699 --> 00:35:06,161 And over the many things you've said incorrectly until you learn them properly 544 00:35:06,439 --> 00:35:09,499 Hey, l don't mind, no, l love this 545 00:35:09,776 --> 00:35:11,744 even if it takes years 546 00:35:12,112 --> 00:35:14,080 l never get tired of helping 547 00:35:15,215 --> 00:35:18,241 Okay, l'm agent X 548 00:35:18,885 --> 00:35:19,613 What? 549 00:35:19,819 --> 00:35:20,911 l'm confessing, l'm Agent X 550 00:35:21,087 --> 00:35:21,644 l'm him 551 00:35:21,922 --> 00:35:23,287 No, he 552 00:35:23,523 --> 00:35:25,354 'l'm he?' it just sound weird 553 00:35:25,525 --> 00:35:28,187 Well, see this is the linking verbs again l think we really need to go over 554 00:35:28,395 --> 00:35:31,262 No...l'm confessing, so it's okay 555 00:35:31,631 --> 00:35:32,859 l'll sign anything you want 556 00:35:33,133 --> 00:35:35,226 You just have to stop correcting me 557 00:35:35,569 --> 00:35:38,367 What do you want? Just tell me, secrets you want secrets? 558 00:35:38,705 --> 00:35:39,433 Sure 559 00:35:39,673 --> 00:35:42,073 Okay, President Batista is about to be overthrown by the guerrilla Fidel Castro 560 00:35:42,342 --> 00:35:44,606 & then four weeks after coup, the Soviets are going to send a high-level emissary to 561 00:35:44,878 --> 00:35:46,106 meet with Castro to arrange the exchange 562 00:35:46,346 --> 00:35:48,041 of some really dangerous military weapons 563 00:35:48,248 --> 00:35:49,408 How's that? That's a good one, isn't it? 564 00:35:49,649 --> 00:35:50,172 'Real' dangerous? 565 00:35:50,450 --> 00:35:51,474 Real dangerous 566 00:35:52,419 --> 00:35:55,115 Have you not listened to a word l've said? 567 00:35:55,355 --> 00:35:57,448 Oh, my God, you know what? They should 568 00:35:57,757 --> 00:35:59,554 have some kind of a thing in the Geneva accords... 569 00:35:59,593 --> 00:36:02,323 about you, a whole paragraph should be dedicated to you, this is insane 570 00:36:02,696 --> 00:36:05,392 l don't care who you are or how they trained you 571 00:36:06,399 --> 00:36:07,730 What? What did l say? 572 00:36:08,001 --> 00:36:09,332 Don't care who l am? 573 00:36:09,703 --> 00:36:11,136 What is it, 'whom'? ls it a 'whom' thing? 574 00:36:11,404 --> 00:36:13,702 Well, l think you know 575 00:36:13,974 --> 00:36:14,963 l don't care whom you are? 576 00:36:15,208 --> 00:36:16,197 You may have been right? 577 00:36:16,476 --> 00:36:19,309 l think you should get a pen and a piece of paper because l'm ready to sign 578 00:36:21,147 --> 00:36:24,605 l am whom, he, whom, l am... 579 00:36:25,051 --> 00:36:28,543 l am he who is ready to sign 580 00:36:28,955 --> 00:36:31,549 l am he who is ready to sign 581 00:36:31,958 --> 00:36:32,856 That is perfect 582 00:36:33,126 --> 00:36:33,717 That's who l am 583 00:36:33,927 --> 00:36:35,417 Very, very nicely confessed 584 00:36:38,098 --> 00:36:41,590 l have some stunning news we found Agent X 585 00:36:43,270 --> 00:36:45,932 But the stunning part is who found him - Quimp 586 00:36:46,206 --> 00:36:47,070 l'm stunned 587 00:36:47,307 --> 00:36:49,502 We've been looking for Agent X for two years 588 00:36:49,776 --> 00:36:50,640 Completely stunned 589 00:36:50,844 --> 00:36:53,938 Quimp has been there less than a day Do you think he's double agent? 590 00:36:54,414 --> 00:36:55,847 His father-in-law says he doesn't have 591 00:36:56,116 --> 00:36:59,449 the wits to be a single agent. l'm stunned 592 00:36:59,686 --> 00:37:01,244 Not as stunned as l am, l met him 593 00:37:02,656 --> 00:37:06,786 Let's keep a close eye on him read his mail,tape his phone calls 594 00:37:07,861 --> 00:37:08,919 l'm stunned 595 00:37:09,162 --> 00:37:10,254 Completely stunned 596 00:37:11,765 --> 00:37:13,460 This guy Johnson, you replaced 597 00:37:13,700 --> 00:37:15,930 l found him to be a total madman 598 00:37:16,369 --> 00:37:18,394 He was laboring under this delusion 599 00:37:18,638 --> 00:37:21,835 that the Cubans are on the verge on a revolution 600 00:37:22,108 --> 00:37:24,702 He was absolute animal, yeah, psychotic 601 00:37:24,911 --> 00:37:27,038 Wow, where did he come from? the military? 602 00:37:27,414 --> 00:37:29,348 No, the mailroom at William Morris 603 00:37:29,582 --> 00:37:33,279 Officer Fry did me tell me that there's some guy named Fidel Castro... 604 00:37:33,553 --> 00:37:36,545 who's planning a coup and he's very closely tied to the Soviets 605 00:37:36,823 --> 00:37:41,453 Yes, but l would not act on the tip of a confessed spy, lt's a mistake 606 00:37:41,695 --> 00:37:42,627 You know, l know what you mean 607 00:37:42,929 --> 00:37:45,159 lt's very hard to believe there'd be a revolution here 608 00:37:45,365 --> 00:37:47,265 l mean, look how happy the people are 609 00:37:47,567 --> 00:37:50,092 you know, they're always having parades 610 00:37:50,337 --> 00:37:52,498 lt's wonderful, l love their funny little customs 611 00:37:52,772 --> 00:37:54,239 The flaming pinatas are so cute 612 00:37:54,607 --> 00:37:58,236 Well, a revolution would not look good on my resume 613 00:37:58,678 --> 00:38:01,545 l think what you have to do is use the Voice of America to... 614 00:38:01,881 --> 00:38:04,941 tell these people that they're happy that they are content 615 00:38:05,352 --> 00:38:06,478 Could l play songs? 616 00:38:06,720 --> 00:38:08,483 Just make them happy 617 00:38:10,156 --> 00:38:11,646 Buenos, dias, Havana 618 00:38:11,925 --> 00:38:14,553 This is el Quimp with Johnny Mathis... 619 00:38:14,861 --> 00:38:16,488 And 'wonderful wonderful' 620 00:38:16,730 --> 00:38:19,961 which is how we all feel living in Cuba 621 00:38:21,801 --> 00:38:23,564 Dear Daisy, l'm writing you from the 622 00:38:23,837 --> 00:38:25,930 battleground of my new life 623 00:38:27,741 --> 00:38:30,437 You must of course keep the contents of this letter secret 624 00:38:30,744 --> 00:38:33,508 Letter from Allen... 625 00:38:36,015 --> 00:38:37,778 l work as a salesman for an American 626 00:38:37,984 --> 00:38:41,420 fruit concern, but that is just my cover 627 00:38:43,790 --> 00:38:45,758 Hombre? Hey, little hombre? 628 00:38:45,992 --> 00:38:48,085 Posing as a native l spend my days making 629 00:38:48,328 --> 00:38:50,694 sure the workers are not going communist 630 00:38:51,765 --> 00:38:55,997 While at night the buss of rebel planes fills the air 631 00:38:59,439 --> 00:39:00,963 And when sleep comes l dream of 632 00:39:01,241 --> 00:39:03,300 what life would be like if you were here 633 00:39:03,543 --> 00:39:04,532 When are we getting bigger hut? 634 00:39:04,944 --> 00:39:08,243 But l couldn't put you at risk it is unwise for you to come 635 00:39:09,682 --> 00:39:11,775 The agency has provided an elderly 636 00:39:12,218 --> 00:39:14,982 maternal woman to look after me... 637 00:39:15,688 --> 00:39:19,385 ln return, l've been teaching her English Which gratifies me so 638 00:39:20,160 --> 00:39:23,459 This letter comes with all my love please eat it 639 00:39:23,696 --> 00:39:26,494 Communists, war planes, hand-offs 640 00:39:26,900 --> 00:39:29,528 l could get six chapter out of this letter alone 641 00:39:31,271 --> 00:39:33,967 But it's all so second hand 642 00:39:36,509 --> 00:39:38,841 Mr. Quimp? Your lunch is ready 643 00:39:39,112 --> 00:39:39,976 l'll be right there 644 00:39:40,547 --> 00:39:43,539 Senor, do you not like our music? 645 00:39:43,917 --> 00:39:47,216 No, not at all, l'm ashamed to say 646 00:39:47,454 --> 00:39:49,115 l only know the giants of Latin literature 647 00:39:50,557 --> 00:39:51,581 Here then 648 00:39:56,729 --> 00:39:59,698 l see what you mean, it's quite peppy 649 00:40:01,568 --> 00:40:04,128 Oh, no, l never move in front of other people 650 00:40:04,437 --> 00:40:06,905 My brothers are good dancers but, well 651 00:40:07,173 --> 00:40:09,300 all right, if you're willing 652 00:40:10,276 --> 00:40:11,334 But how would l even? 653 00:40:11,544 --> 00:40:13,876 Relax and feel the beat through me 654 00:40:14,080 --> 00:40:14,944 Through you? 655 00:40:15,348 --> 00:40:17,976 Right and left, right and left 656 00:40:18,184 --> 00:40:20,243 So you move your...well, everything? 657 00:40:20,453 --> 00:40:23,616 Yes, bring the hips down, right and left 658 00:40:33,066 --> 00:40:34,090 l think l'm getting it 659 00:40:34,300 --> 00:40:35,767 Now, l want you to dip me 660 00:40:36,002 --> 00:40:37,594 l've never dipped with another 661 00:40:37,804 --> 00:40:39,032 Dip... 662 00:40:48,014 --> 00:40:51,541 Elderly maternal woman, now l see why you didn't want me to come here 663 00:40:51,751 --> 00:40:53,776 Don't you dare answer that door until that is settled 664 00:40:53,987 --> 00:40:57,081 Daisy, l didn't want you to come because there's going to be an uprising of the... 665 00:40:57,290 --> 00:40:58,655 Of the what, Allen? 666 00:40:58,892 --> 00:41:00,951 Well, of the people not in power against the people in power and when that happens 667 00:41:01,227 --> 00:41:02,194 this country's going up like a... 668 00:41:02,428 --> 00:41:04,453 the only revolution around here is the one between you and Chiquita LaTaTa 669 00:41:06,566 --> 00:41:08,966 All right everybody, eat wood 670 00:41:09,969 --> 00:41:14,372 Eat wood... 671 00:41:14,641 --> 00:41:16,700 What does that even mean? 672 00:41:16,976 --> 00:41:18,341 Hit the floor 673 00:41:21,614 --> 00:41:24,481 Hearing anything? We've to make sure we weren't followed 674 00:41:24,884 --> 00:41:26,283 Who in the world are you? 675 00:41:26,486 --> 00:41:27,976 l'm Crocker Johnson, ma'am 676 00:41:28,187 --> 00:41:30,451 Johnson? The Mr. Johnson? 677 00:41:30,657 --> 00:41:32,682 And the revolution l've warned everybody about... 678 00:41:33,159 --> 00:41:34,820 the revolution that will ruin thousands of 679 00:41:35,061 --> 00:41:37,689 lives and deprive people of all liberty... 680 00:41:38,264 --> 00:41:40,494 the revolution that will grab the throat of 681 00:41:40,733 --> 00:41:42,667 democracy and strangle the air from it... 682 00:41:42,902 --> 00:41:44,767 until only the red marks of communism 683 00:41:45,004 --> 00:41:48,735 are left on it, that revolution is here at last 684 00:41:48,942 --> 00:41:51,069 Oh, thank God, my wife was about to kill me 685 00:41:51,277 --> 00:41:54,371 Don't thank God l'm here, l thank God you're here 686 00:41:57,283 --> 00:42:02,243 You're the man who found Agent X you're my man 687 00:42:03,489 --> 00:42:07,220 That's good, man, Roll with it, use it Ride the violence 688 00:42:07,493 --> 00:42:10,189 Mrs. Quimp, l need your husband to come with me to stop the revolution 689 00:42:10,430 --> 00:42:11,260 before it's too late 690 00:42:11,464 --> 00:42:14,160 Revolution, my foot, you're just saying that to hide his affair 691 00:42:14,834 --> 00:42:15,960 Do you not think l'm serious?... 692 00:42:16,202 --> 00:42:18,329 No, l don't think you're serious 693 00:42:18,538 --> 00:42:19,562 Cut me 694 00:42:20,106 --> 00:42:23,303 That's how serious l am, cut me you want me to do it 695 00:42:23,576 --> 00:42:25,066 Look, l'm serious 696 00:42:25,278 --> 00:42:26,245 My God 697 00:42:26,446 --> 00:42:28,004 You see, Daisy, we're serious 698 00:42:28,748 --> 00:42:30,841 Oh, my God, you really did it? What is the matter with you? 699 00:42:31,050 --> 00:42:32,517 Communism's the matter with me 700 00:42:32,719 --> 00:42:35,552 brother, the loss of freedom is the matter with me 701 00:42:35,755 --> 00:42:38,553 Do you think l went into the ClA just because it was easy to spell? 702 00:42:38,791 --> 00:42:42,557 l'm in this company because l love America 703 00:42:42,895 --> 00:42:45,523 But there's a big bear out there trying to 704 00:42:45,565 --> 00:42:47,465 bite the eagle's head off 705 00:42:47,700 --> 00:42:49,930 And if we don't act we'll all be in a long line 706 00:42:50,203 --> 00:42:52,068 in Moscow with shoes that don't fit 707 00:42:52,305 --> 00:42:53,829 You don't have to go to Moscow for that 708 00:42:54,307 --> 00:42:57,003 try the semi-annual sale at Bloomies 709 00:42:57,276 --> 00:42:58,470 Do you think l'm serious? 710 00:42:58,778 --> 00:42:59,540 N, l do 711 00:42:59,779 --> 00:43:01,770 Go on, cut me, you want me to do it? 712 00:43:02,015 --> 00:43:06,008 Look, l am as serious as a stip search 713 00:43:06,452 --> 00:43:08,977 He is going to ruin the rug which is an excellent example of native weaving 714 00:43:09,222 --> 00:43:12,316 These cut are nothing compared to what this guy's been through 715 00:43:12,959 --> 00:43:13,926 What guy? 716 00:43:17,597 --> 00:43:19,326 He was nearly killed an hour ago 717 00:43:19,532 --> 00:43:20,897 What happened? Who is he? 718 00:43:21,668 --> 00:43:25,297 What do you mean, who is he? this is President Batista 719 00:43:25,872 --> 00:43:28,363 President of Cuba? ln my book 720 00:43:29,475 --> 00:43:30,965 l smell Pulitzer 721 00:43:36,015 --> 00:43:37,107 Greetings, little people 722 00:43:37,316 --> 00:43:38,010 How do you do 723 00:43:38,217 --> 00:43:39,149 Hello, how do you do? 724 00:43:39,385 --> 00:43:40,943 He's been overthrown, Fidel Castro has 725 00:43:41,187 --> 00:43:43,178 seized the palace, he's a little upset 726 00:43:43,423 --> 00:43:44,253 Sorry 727 00:43:44,457 --> 00:43:48,052 Everything l fought for, my domestic policy my foreign policy 728 00:43:48,394 --> 00:43:50,328 Oh my God, my home owner's policy 729 00:43:50,530 --> 00:43:53,192 lf l have to go into exile there is no way l'm paying my premium 730 00:43:54,033 --> 00:43:56,593 We need to figure out how to chase that communist rat... 731 00:43:56,836 --> 00:43:59,361 back into his socialist hole, let's go come one 732 00:43:59,572 --> 00:44:02,006 See, Daisy, now l have to go have a talk with Mr. Johnson 733 00:44:02,775 --> 00:44:05,938 Santa Maria, please don't let that big brute 734 00:44:06,212 --> 00:44:07,179 get hold of my good vases 735 00:44:07,413 --> 00:44:08,437 Allen, you can't leave 736 00:44:08,681 --> 00:44:12,048 The only Spanish words l know are Ricky Riccardo 737 00:44:12,618 --> 00:44:14,813 Daisy, this is why l told you not to come 738 00:44:15,054 --> 00:44:18,285 lf Mr. Johnson needs me for a meeting then l have to go to that meeting 739 00:44:18,558 --> 00:44:21,026 The only meeting that's going to take place is when we get our hands on Castro 740 00:44:21,260 --> 00:44:24,161 and have his balls meet the back of his throat 741 00:44:26,466 --> 00:44:28,991 On the other hand, dear, if you're nervous l'll just stay here with you 742 00:44:29,435 --> 00:44:31,300 Do l have to electronic myself? 743 00:44:31,871 --> 00:44:33,998 ls that what you want? 744 00:44:34,307 --> 00:44:38,209 Get me water so l can wet my hand 745 00:44:38,411 --> 00:44:39,639 Stop him, That's a nice lamp 746 00:44:39,879 --> 00:44:41,244 Listen, Brother Quimp, if we act now 747 00:44:41,514 --> 00:44:43,209 before the palace is secured we can kill Castro 748 00:44:43,516 --> 00:44:47,418 restore democracy to the people and a ruler to his rightful throne 749 00:44:47,820 --> 00:44:51,278 Acting out of your love for the great bald bird, you risk your safety 750 00:44:51,491 --> 00:44:53,083 as well as the safety of your beloved 751 00:44:53,392 --> 00:44:56,452 wife to ensure the safety of an entire people 752 00:44:57,096 --> 00:44:58,996 lf that were a book, it would sell a million copies 753 00:44:59,232 --> 00:45:00,756 Well, l am not in love with the people 754 00:45:01,067 --> 00:45:04,298 Mr. Johnson but a person, my Daisy and it is for her 755 00:45:04,504 --> 00:45:07,701 Can the mush, Allen, Castro must die pack your piece and go 756 00:45:08,007 --> 00:45:08,473 Daisy 757 00:45:08,708 --> 00:45:11,905 Think what this will do for my book, they have to deliver my royalties by dumptruck 758 00:45:12,145 --> 00:45:13,112 Daisy, come on, let's discuss 759 00:45:13,379 --> 00:45:16,348 Do you no think l am serious?... 760 00:45:16,749 --> 00:45:19,980 You want me to electronic myself? 761 00:45:20,453 --> 00:45:23,513 All right, Mrs. Q, freedom fighter 762 00:45:25,658 --> 00:45:27,421 Allen Quimp, l want you to overthrow this 763 00:45:27,693 --> 00:45:30,491 government in the most highly readable un-put downable way possible 764 00:45:30,730 --> 00:45:32,061 or we're going back to Greenwich on 765 00:45:32,265 --> 00:45:34,961 the next flight with seats available in first class 766 00:45:35,268 --> 00:45:36,132 Yeah, move it, amigo 767 00:45:36,402 --> 00:45:37,596 Every second wasted is another second 768 00:45:37,837 --> 00:45:40,101 that Cuban Judas lscariot could be cracking my crystal 769 00:45:40,306 --> 00:45:41,136 Let's go 770 00:45:41,741 --> 00:45:45,142 Up, Out, Down, Move, Freedom calls 771 00:45:45,545 --> 00:45:46,978 Viva la vista 772 00:45:47,346 --> 00:45:51,043 Meanwhile, l'll plan the details of my triumphant return to the palace 773 00:45:51,284 --> 00:45:53,514 Well, you're not planning anything until this mess is cleaned up 774 00:45:53,719 --> 00:45:55,949 Boy, you think there's a vacuum cleaner anywhere in this country? 775 00:45:56,155 --> 00:45:59,955 Oh, l have one at home, pure gold with a lovely velvet dust bag 776 00:46:00,526 --> 00:46:03,086 l bought it from the Shah do you know Shah? 777 00:46:03,596 --> 00:46:06,588 Very nice man, very firm handshake 778 00:46:06,966 --> 00:46:10,959 always know the latest jokes very good at ping-pong, Brandy 779 00:46:18,811 --> 00:46:20,802 Oh for God's sake, l'm coming 780 00:46:24,383 --> 00:46:25,816 Where exactly are we headed? 781 00:46:26,018 --> 00:46:28,384 The palace, we had to come this way to avoid detection 782 00:46:29,922 --> 00:46:30,889 Just a little further 783 00:46:31,557 --> 00:46:34,958 Oh, no, what you mean is farther 784 00:46:35,294 --> 00:46:37,888 Further, of course, is used to refer to 785 00:46:38,164 --> 00:46:39,324 quantity whereas farther is more 786 00:46:39,532 --> 00:46:42,797 Don't you every correct my grammar 787 00:46:43,169 --> 00:46:45,433 l had a teacher sister Lola 788 00:46:45,872 --> 00:46:47,806 and anytime you said something wrong 789 00:46:48,140 --> 00:46:49,539 Sister Lola whacked you 790 00:46:50,409 --> 00:46:52,274 l know those ruler can hurt 791 00:46:52,545 --> 00:46:55,173 Sister Lola taught shop she used a hammer 792 00:46:56,015 --> 00:46:57,607 Heads up, water moccasins 793 00:46:59,619 --> 00:47:01,382 Well, that's an interesting plan 794 00:47:01,621 --> 00:47:04,454 l'm only have one slight what you might call conservation 795 00:47:04,724 --> 00:47:06,419 Could you just go over that last part again? 796 00:47:06,626 --> 00:47:09,356 yeah, when we get to the palace there's a big outer wall, we scale it 797 00:47:09,528 --> 00:47:10,324 No, later than that 798 00:47:10,563 --> 00:47:11,325 Creep toward his bedroom? 799 00:47:11,564 --> 00:47:12,861 No, just the very last part 800 00:47:13,132 --> 00:47:14,121 Chop off his fat hairy head? 801 00:47:14,367 --> 00:47:15,527 That's it, that's it, that's the part 802 00:47:15,835 --> 00:47:18,531 What's your confusion, man? You hold it l'll chop it, come on 803 00:47:18,771 --> 00:47:20,636 No, no see, l have a chopping issue l just don't feel that 804 00:47:20,940 --> 00:47:22,703 Hey, do you not think l'm serious? 805 00:47:22,975 --> 00:47:26,638 You want me to push this sharp twig in one ear 806 00:47:26,913 --> 00:47:28,847 through my brain and out the other ear 807 00:47:29,081 --> 00:47:29,809 Good God, no 808 00:47:30,016 --> 00:47:32,382 Then movie it, and l mean now, don't be a yellow belly wimp Quimp 809 00:47:32,585 --> 00:47:33,882 Come on, move... 810 00:47:34,353 --> 00:47:35,320 Wait 811 00:47:36,188 --> 00:47:38,884 l'm sorry, but l can't do this 812 00:47:39,358 --> 00:47:40,325 What? 813 00:47:40,559 --> 00:47:42,459 lf you want to kill Castro go ahead 814 00:47:42,695 --> 00:47:44,526 You are obviously strong enough yourself 815 00:47:44,964 --> 00:47:49,025 But it's just not something l can do That's it, l'm going 816 00:47:49,669 --> 00:47:50,431 You're leaving? 817 00:47:50,670 --> 00:47:51,534 That's right 818 00:47:51,771 --> 00:47:53,363 You're actually walking out? 819 00:47:53,639 --> 00:47:55,834 Yes, well, l can't stay here under these circumstances 820 00:47:56,042 --> 00:47:58,374 Fine, just walk away 821 00:47:59,345 --> 00:48:00,403 Leave me 822 00:48:04,383 --> 00:48:05,816 l'm used to it 823 00:48:09,922 --> 00:48:11,617 l don't know what's wrong with me 824 00:48:11,924 --> 00:48:14,085 l just can't keep a partner 825 00:48:14,360 --> 00:48:17,659 l try my hardest, but l guess l'm just not 826 00:48:17,964 --> 00:48:21,229 what other agents want 827 00:48:21,834 --> 00:48:24,496 No, don't say that, l'm sure you have 828 00:48:24,837 --> 00:48:26,327 a lot of qualities 829 00:48:26,572 --> 00:48:27,539 l don't 830 00:48:27,807 --> 00:48:28,273 No, you do 831 00:48:28,541 --> 00:48:29,064 No, l don't 832 00:48:29,308 --> 00:48:29,706 You do 833 00:48:29,942 --> 00:48:30,567 l don't 834 00:48:30,810 --> 00:48:34,644 You do, you, listen, l know how you feel 835 00:48:35,081 --> 00:48:38,278 l've got older brothers, they never wanted me around 836 00:48:38,617 --> 00:48:41,085 To them l was always just a secret cat little shrimp 837 00:48:41,354 --> 00:48:42,412 They must be proud of you now 838 00:48:42,655 --> 00:48:44,623 Yeah, well, they can't believe it 839 00:48:45,324 --> 00:48:46,723 So what am l doing wrong? 840 00:48:47,193 --> 00:48:50,560 Well, l tell you, you don't listen to me 841 00:48:50,930 --> 00:48:53,194 You make me feel as though what l say doesn't matter 842 00:48:53,466 --> 00:48:56,629 That is so bad of me, you caught Agent X 843 00:48:56,969 --> 00:49:01,167 You brought Petrov in, you're Mr. Does Matter 844 00:49:03,642 --> 00:49:05,940 But eliminating Communists from 845 00:49:06,245 --> 00:49:08,941 the face to the earth is the reason we're here 846 00:49:10,282 --> 00:49:11,476 Why don't you do it? 847 00:49:11,984 --> 00:49:15,147 Well, don't you think that l want to 848 00:49:15,421 --> 00:49:18,857 see Castro gag on his own tongue? 849 00:49:19,125 --> 00:49:20,752 l wan to believe that, l want to 850 00:49:21,027 --> 00:49:24,224 l do, but if we try now and fail 851 00:49:24,630 --> 00:49:27,360 killing Castro is going to be that much harder 852 00:49:27,633 --> 00:49:31,296 in the future because then the security will be massive 853 00:49:31,804 --> 00:49:33,237 That's a good point, See? 854 00:49:33,973 --> 00:49:35,770 You are so much the man 855 00:49:36,642 --> 00:49:38,405 l've got to try to listen more 856 00:49:38,577 --> 00:49:42,570 Well, yeah, but that's good because l always tell my students 857 00:49:42,848 --> 00:49:45,339 That we have two ears but only one mouth 858 00:49:45,618 --> 00:49:49,110 so we should try to listen twice as much as we talk 859 00:49:51,090 --> 00:49:54,082 He wants to assassinate Castro? We should do something 860 00:49:54,326 --> 00:49:56,191 Oh thank God. l knew you'd want to stop him 861 00:49:56,395 --> 00:49:57,885 No, we should do something to help him 862 00:49:58,130 --> 00:49:59,825 Help him? What are you talking about? 863 00:50:00,066 --> 00:50:02,034 Surely the US government doesn't condone 864 00:50:02,268 --> 00:50:04,168 killing people just because we disagree with them 865 00:50:04,370 --> 00:50:05,735 Of course we do, that's our specially 866 00:50:06,238 --> 00:50:08,331 Fine, lf that's what you want, that's your business 867 00:50:08,574 --> 00:50:10,735 but l'm not right guy to work with Johnson He's very... 868 00:50:10,976 --> 00:50:13,570 l know what you're going to say That he's prehistoric and simian 869 00:50:13,913 --> 00:50:17,440 But that's exactly my point, you have mind He's got the muscle 870 00:50:17,750 --> 00:50:19,012 lt's perfect combination 871 00:50:19,552 --> 00:50:20,849 But... 872 00:50:27,993 --> 00:50:31,429 Hurry... 873 00:50:31,730 --> 00:50:33,425 That maniac almost got me killed 874 00:50:34,567 --> 00:50:38,731 Come on, would you? He wants me to help kill Fidel Castro, Start packing 875 00:50:38,938 --> 00:50:43,307 Abso-very-lutely not, this afternoon has brought my book to life 876 00:50:43,542 --> 00:50:46,568 Listen, my loving reunion with Allen 877 00:50:46,812 --> 00:50:48,211 was violently interrupted... 878 00:50:48,481 --> 00:50:49,140 when a dashing... 879 00:50:49,415 --> 00:50:51,576 soldier of furtune broke through the window... 880 00:50:51,817 --> 00:50:55,116 and delivered to our doorstep General Basista 881 00:50:55,421 --> 00:50:58,083 My second home was now democracy's 882 00:50:58,324 --> 00:50:59,586 last sanctuary 883 00:50:59,792 --> 00:51:00,986 Gee, that's great, but see... 884 00:51:01,227 --> 00:51:03,752 l joined the ClA as an lntelligence officer not as an assassin 885 00:51:04,029 --> 00:51:06,725 Well, then use your intelligence and think of some other way to get rid of Castro 886 00:51:06,966 --> 00:51:09,764 Anyone who's ever been in the Junior League can tell you don't have to kill 887 00:51:10,035 --> 00:51:11,525 someone to make them want to leave the party 888 00:51:11,770 --> 00:51:12,327 But sweetheart 889 00:51:12,638 --> 00:51:15,436 And we are not leaving this country until Castro is gone and 890 00:51:15,774 --> 00:51:17,241 l have an ending for my book 891 00:51:17,443 --> 00:51:18,307 But l 892 00:51:19,812 --> 00:51:23,145 Tearfully l watched my husband depart 893 00:51:23,382 --> 00:51:26,180 for what might be his last mission 894 00:51:31,290 --> 00:51:34,726 l've come up with a plan for getting rid of Castro 895 00:51:34,994 --> 00:51:36,188 but l don't think we should kill him 896 00:51:36,395 --> 00:51:40,161 What? No way. Bring on the bear and l'll bite his brown nose off 897 00:51:40,432 --> 00:51:42,832 No, no that's a mistake we have to be subtle 898 00:51:43,102 --> 00:51:45,730 The trick is to make Castro unpopular 899 00:51:46,372 --> 00:51:48,932 Let's shoot him in the mouth with a shotgun 900 00:51:49,208 --> 00:51:50,869 People without faces are very unpopular 901 00:51:51,110 --> 00:51:53,977 Crocker, l thought we were going to try to use a little more of this 902 00:51:54,246 --> 00:51:55,907 and a little less of this 903 00:51:56,215 --> 00:51:57,307 l'm sorry, l forgot 904 00:51:57,550 --> 00:52:00,986 All right, now what l need though for my plan to work is a drug 905 00:52:01,220 --> 00:52:04,121 that could alter Castro Speech do you know what l mean? Something 906 00:52:04,423 --> 00:52:05,355 Wait a minute 907 00:52:05,658 --> 00:52:07,649 What about this? This is a gas that we 908 00:52:07,927 --> 00:52:10,157 developed as a truth serum but it never really worked 909 00:52:10,396 --> 00:52:14,093 lt could make people lie more than ever but then they slurred their speech 910 00:52:14,400 --> 00:52:17,369 l use this a night when l go to sleep because it will keep me... 911 00:52:17,603 --> 00:52:19,434 believe it or not, from grinding my teeth 912 00:52:20,105 --> 00:52:20,833 That's interesting 913 00:52:21,173 --> 00:52:25,041 l don't know, Have you guys heard about this new hallucinogenic drug called LSD? 914 00:52:25,878 --> 00:52:30,338 l thought American Fruit could sponsor a dagate with Castro and we would put 915 00:52:30,616 --> 00:52:32,481 at his place a glass of water which has been 916 00:52:32,718 --> 00:52:34,185 laced with the LSD 917 00:52:34,486 --> 00:52:37,614 He takes a few sips of that and everybody is going to think he sounds like a nut 918 00:52:37,890 --> 00:52:40,825 Well, l'd rather ram a hose up his butt and blow the skin off his body 919 00:52:41,460 --> 00:52:42,859 But l'm trying to be more sensitive 920 00:52:43,529 --> 00:52:45,429 Where are we going to find some LSD 921 00:52:45,664 --> 00:52:47,097 Well, see that's the problem, l just 922 00:52:47,132 --> 00:52:48,030 l got LSD 923 00:52:48,300 --> 00:52:48,891 You have got LSD? 924 00:52:49,168 --> 00:52:53,161 Yeah, yeah, l use it every now and then l'll take a little bit 925 00:52:53,405 --> 00:52:56,203 when l feel very depressed over getting stuck out here 926 00:52:56,508 --> 00:52:58,373 l take some every single evening and 927 00:52:58,644 --> 00:53:00,236 ever single morning like clockwork 928 00:53:00,479 --> 00:53:03,312 And of course if the day's not going well l'll pop some for lunch too 929 00:53:03,549 --> 00:53:05,414 So l can get you all the LSD you want really 930 00:53:05,684 --> 00:53:06,275 That's great 931 00:53:06,552 --> 00:53:09,453 The big problem's going to be can you get Castro to the debate? 932 00:53:11,056 --> 00:53:14,253 l'm sorry, Senor Quimp a televised debate 933 00:53:14,560 --> 00:53:16,187 would e covered by the print press 934 00:53:16,462 --> 00:53:18,362 and l detest publicity 935 00:53:18,831 --> 00:53:21,026 l am a shy man, a humble man 936 00:53:21,267 --> 00:53:23,531 So l agree only if there is no press 937 00:53:27,206 --> 00:53:31,404 Well, maybe Life Magazine could come 938 00:53:31,710 --> 00:53:34,611 l love the funny little pictures they have on the back 939 00:53:34,847 --> 00:53:37,441 Last week they had a cat on skates 940 00:53:37,750 --> 00:53:39,980 So just Life can come 941 00:53:41,620 --> 00:53:44,020 Well, maybe also Time Magazine could come 942 00:53:44,290 --> 00:53:46,520 because l know they are owned by the same company 943 00:53:46,759 --> 00:53:49,853 And of course, we can't snub Newsweek if Time is going to come 944 00:53:50,162 --> 00:53:53,928 So just Time, Life, Look, Newsweek 945 00:53:54,166 --> 00:53:56,259 and if you can get Norman Rockwell... 946 00:53:56,502 --> 00:53:58,197 l will do the Saturday Evening Post 947 00:54:11,784 --> 00:54:15,686 Good evening, l'm Allen Quimp and on behalf of the business community 948 00:54:15,954 --> 00:54:19,549 l am happy to welcome President Fidel Castro 949 00:54:27,466 --> 00:54:29,161 Welcome, President Castro 950 00:54:29,635 --> 00:54:33,628 President Castro, l can never hear that enough 951 00:54:33,939 --> 00:54:36,499 After all, l used to pick fruit 952 00:54:36,775 --> 00:54:39,972 l was the lowest of the low 953 00:54:41,947 --> 00:54:46,816 But now that we have chased that money grasping midget 954 00:54:47,086 --> 00:54:48,451 President Batista from office 955 00:54:48,721 --> 00:54:50,188 l am the high one 956 00:54:50,489 --> 00:54:53,458 Just drink your water, baby and you'll be higher than you ever dreamed 957 00:54:54,259 --> 00:54:56,227 l know a lot of people are concerned 958 00:54:56,595 --> 00:54:59,291 about what's going to happen to Cuba now 959 00:54:59,832 --> 00:55:07,364 Cuba is like this glass of water 960 00:55:07,940 --> 00:55:11,341 lt is full of what we need 961 00:55:12,378 --> 00:55:16,474 But if l am holding the glass is it different because l am holding it? 962 00:55:16,815 --> 00:55:19,181 lf Senor Quimp holds the glass 963 00:55:21,120 --> 00:55:22,644 Hold the... 964 00:55:22,955 --> 00:55:25,355 That is the same glass of water 965 00:55:25,591 --> 00:55:27,991 Except for the ten teaspoons of narcotics 966 00:55:28,227 --> 00:55:30,787 Now l hold Senor Quimp's glass of water 967 00:55:31,096 --> 00:55:32,358 ls it different because l hold it? 968 00:55:34,266 --> 00:55:35,893 Which... 969 00:55:37,503 --> 00:55:38,629 is which? 970 00:55:39,037 --> 00:55:43,064 ls this the Communist water or is this the capitalist water? 971 00:55:43,275 --> 00:55:44,708 ls there any difference? 972 00:55:45,377 --> 00:55:47,402 All that matters... 973 00:55:47,646 --> 00:55:52,276 about these two glasses is the same thing that matters about Cuba 974 00:55:52,518 --> 00:55:56,454 what is inside, l propose a toast 975 00:55:56,922 --> 00:55:59,686 to Cuba and all it can be 976 00:56:00,426 --> 00:56:03,725 lf he doesn't drink, Castro's going to suspect a trap 977 00:56:03,962 --> 00:56:05,862 That's going to put Quimp's life in jeopardy 978 00:56:06,398 --> 00:56:09,890 On the other hand, if he does drink he's liable to hallucinate 979 00:56:10,135 --> 00:56:11,329 and give the whole operation away 980 00:56:11,637 --> 00:56:13,229 which will also put his life in jeopardy 981 00:56:13,472 --> 00:56:18,933 Either one works for me, Twistarooni Galore 982 00:56:33,592 --> 00:56:35,287 Drink, amigo, Drink 983 00:56:42,668 --> 00:56:46,968 Very well, does anyone've any questions for this great man sitting beside me? 984 00:56:47,906 --> 00:56:48,429 No? 985 00:56:48,707 --> 00:56:50,197 Okay, well we might as well head on home because 986 00:56:51,443 --> 00:56:55,243 Amigo, there are many raised hands Sir, in the front row 987 00:56:55,481 --> 00:56:58,712 ls there still a place for capitalists in a Communist country? 988 00:57:01,553 --> 00:57:05,080 President Castro congratulates you on your question 989 00:57:05,357 --> 00:57:08,383 And President Castro will now answer it 990 00:57:08,660 --> 00:57:12,289 There is nothing more sacred than our economy 991 00:57:12,698 --> 00:57:15,428 lt is the engine of peace and prosperity 992 00:57:15,701 --> 00:57:17,498 to all Cuban people 993 00:57:18,003 --> 00:57:20,164 As President, the first thing 994 00:57:20,405 --> 00:57:24,273 have you ever noticed how amazing wood is? 995 00:57:24,877 --> 00:57:29,541 l mean, it is just alive, man 996 00:57:29,781 --> 00:57:31,976 Wow, look at it. Watch that thing go 997 00:57:32,251 --> 00:57:33,878 Here, come on hair-lip. Check it out 998 00:57:34,186 --> 00:57:36,120 Look at that grain 999 00:57:37,523 --> 00:57:39,684 Amber waves of 1000 00:57:39,892 --> 00:57:43,726 You know what it's like? You know what it's like? 1001 00:57:43,996 --> 00:57:47,295 lt's like a sentence by James Joyce 1002 00:57:47,499 --> 00:57:48,523 Anyway, did you hear that? 1003 00:57:48,967 --> 00:57:49,956 Listen 1004 00:57:50,269 --> 00:57:55,297 James Joyce, Jay Joy, Jay Joy 1005 00:57:55,541 --> 00:57:59,477 Hello. How are you? Good, thanks Fine...how's the family? Good 1006 00:57:59,711 --> 00:58:01,338 How's your family? How many do you have now? Five 1007 00:58:08,420 --> 00:58:09,409 Mother? 1008 00:58:10,122 --> 00:58:12,488 Amigo, you want to lay down? 1009 00:58:12,724 --> 00:58:15,784 Lay down? Did you hold on, mom 1010 00:58:15,994 --> 00:58:19,361 Do you not know the difference between lay and lie? 1011 00:58:19,765 --> 00:58:22,563 Maybe the lights are too hot 1012 00:58:22,801 --> 00:58:25,861 Yes, the lights are too hot 1013 00:58:27,940 --> 00:58:31,137 That's why l'm going swimming, oh boy 1014 00:58:31,410 --> 00:58:35,744 Take that. Man that water looks good l can't wait to get in... 1015 00:58:36,582 --> 00:58:40,450 Jesus Christ, there's a mongoose in my shorts! There's a mongoose in my shorts 1016 00:58:40,719 --> 00:58:42,619 Help me! Get it out! Jesus Christ! 1017 00:58:42,921 --> 00:58:45,685 lf he sees a mongoose in there he is definitely hallucinating 1018 00:58:45,891 --> 00:58:50,225 Major mongoose in my shorts look at that thing move 1019 00:58:56,134 --> 00:58:58,568 This is the most humiliating debacle 1020 00:58:58,837 --> 00:59:02,466 in the history of the United States foreign policy 1021 00:59:02,674 --> 00:59:05,074 Well, l wouldn't say the most humiliating 1022 00:59:05,277 --> 00:59:06,676 Yeah, you haven't heard what we tried next 1023 00:59:07,412 --> 00:59:08,436 Oh, god 1024 00:59:09,648 --> 00:59:13,209 So we went to American Fruit and l had to do my radio show 1025 00:59:13,552 --> 00:59:16,350 Johnson was just not about to give up 1026 00:59:16,622 --> 00:59:19,614 l am so serious about wanting this island to be free 1027 00:59:19,891 --> 00:59:21,791 l'm willing to ram your microphone up 1028 00:59:22,060 --> 00:59:24,620 my ass and fuck Cuba to freedom 1029 00:59:26,198 --> 00:59:29,599 Let's you and l head to the palace and blow the beard off his face 1030 00:59:33,138 --> 00:59:37,006 Just over and over, l'm a hog, l'm a hog 1031 00:59:37,309 --> 00:59:38,674 Officer Quimp, we get it 1032 00:59:39,111 --> 00:59:41,238 All right, so we realized that what we needed was 1033 00:59:41,513 --> 00:59:44,004 a more serious plan to get rid of Castro 1034 00:59:44,249 --> 00:59:46,513 So decided to defoliate his face 1035 00:59:46,918 --> 00:59:48,146 l beg your pardon 1036 00:59:48,353 --> 00:59:50,514 Hey, anyone in the mood for lunch? 1037 00:59:50,789 --> 00:59:54,555 We just felt that we could undermine Castro's appeal if we could 1038 00:59:54,826 --> 00:59:58,455 make all the hair on his head fall off 1039 00:59:58,697 --> 01:00:01,757 So we had our lab mix up a depilatory 1040 01:00:02,034 --> 01:00:03,262 you know a hair-removing agent 1041 01:00:03,468 --> 01:00:06,494 and it would work on a time delay, so that you know Castro would use it 1042 01:00:06,772 --> 01:00:09,832 and then he'd go outside and his hair would blow off in the first stiff breeze 1043 01:00:10,208 --> 01:00:11,835 And the ClA lab made this? 1044 01:00:12,210 --> 01:00:13,199 Oh yes, senator we're 1045 01:00:13,445 --> 01:00:14,673 You have a number for that lab? 1046 01:00:15,547 --> 01:00:17,344 You want the number? 1047 01:00:22,554 --> 01:00:27,355 lt's just that my wife has a little problem with hair on her shoulders 1048 01:00:28,493 --> 01:00:30,393 Just her shoulders 1049 01:00:31,563 --> 01:00:35,431 And down a little bit onto her upper back 1050 01:00:37,069 --> 01:00:39,401 upper and lower back 1051 01:00:40,939 --> 01:00:42,099 And her hips 1052 01:00:42,541 --> 01:00:43,530 Hips? 1053 01:00:43,742 --> 01:00:44,834 lt's kind of thick there 1054 01:00:45,277 --> 01:00:47,438 Where'd you meet her the zoo? 1055 01:00:50,148 --> 01:00:52,013 Officer Quimp, please proceed 1056 01:00:52,217 --> 01:00:54,947 When the depilatory arrived, Daisy took it 1057 01:00:55,220 --> 01:00:57,279 She a big hairball like Mrs. Farwood? 1058 01:00:57,756 --> 01:01:01,988 No, she wanted me to take a picture of her holding the bottle for her book 1059 01:01:02,527 --> 01:01:05,519 What made you think that Castro would use the shampoo? 1060 01:01:06,298 --> 01:01:09,699 Well, President Kennedy recommended a special agent 1061 01:01:09,968 --> 01:01:13,699 who had done some work for him She called Castro for us 1062 01:01:14,172 --> 01:01:18,370 Hello, Mr. President? l mean, Mr. El President? 1063 01:01:18,643 --> 01:01:20,941 Well, l just think you're the dreamiest world leader 1064 01:01:21,279 --> 01:01:25,306 and l wanted to send you this shampoo that all the movie stars use 1065 01:01:25,784 --> 01:01:28,912 After all, just because one is a revolutionary 1066 01:01:29,221 --> 01:01:31,451 doesn't mean one has to look revolting 1067 01:01:32,090 --> 01:01:35,150 l'm coming to Cuba to hear your speech on the fifteenth 1068 01:01:35,460 --> 01:01:37,951 lf you use it that day, maybe 1069 01:01:38,230 --> 01:01:42,792 we could, as you Cubans say Rendezvous 1070 01:01:44,469 --> 01:01:47,666 Miss Monroe, l would love to meet you 1071 01:01:47,973 --> 01:01:49,133 Castro took the bait. 1072 01:01:49,441 --> 01:01:51,966 We had our maid deliver the shampoo to him the night before 1073 01:01:52,277 --> 01:01:53,835 he was to give his big speech 1074 01:01:54,079 --> 01:01:57,879 Top members of the KGB were present and there was a strong wind 1075 01:02:00,485 --> 01:02:02,783 Santa Maria, he's wearing one of my rings 1076 01:02:03,522 --> 01:02:07,720 Which one is it? Momasitta gave that ring to me 1077 01:02:08,026 --> 01:02:11,587 Well, either moma or ldi Amin l can't quite see it 1078 01:02:11,830 --> 01:02:12,489 You know ldi? 1079 01:02:12,731 --> 01:02:15,495 Yes, very nice man. Could you look for me, please? 1080 01:02:15,801 --> 01:02:19,237 lf it has a heart on it, then ldi gave it to me 1081 01:02:20,071 --> 01:02:23,802 Finally the moment of truth arrived The wind picked up 1082 01:02:24,042 --> 01:02:27,341 and as l predicted the depilatory began to work 1083 01:02:28,713 --> 01:02:30,647 There was just one problem 1084 01:02:32,684 --> 01:02:35,915 Daisy had sent him the wrong bottle of shampoo 1085 01:02:41,126 --> 01:02:44,095 Well, l don't know she must have just mixed the bottles up or something 1086 01:02:44,329 --> 01:02:46,388 and kept the one with the depilatory for herself 1087 01:02:46,598 --> 01:02:49,294 lt was a catastrophe, just a complete catastrophe 1088 01:02:49,534 --> 01:02:51,092 lt was the worst day of my life 1089 01:02:51,403 --> 01:02:53,735 l mean, not only had my wife gone bald 1090 01:02:54,206 --> 01:02:56,538 but it make Johnson even more determined 1091 01:02:56,808 --> 01:02:58,833 to find a way to kill Castro 1092 01:02:59,211 --> 01:03:00,075 What about this? 1093 01:03:00,445 --> 01:03:02,640 Mi Casa Es Su Casa, it explodes 1094 01:03:02,881 --> 01:03:03,745 No, Crocker 1095 01:03:03,982 --> 01:03:05,973 Look, give him the mat and send him up in smoke 1096 01:03:06,184 --> 01:03:08,448 No, wait. That's, smoke 1097 01:03:08,687 --> 01:03:12,714 Smoke was the easiest way into Castro's bloodstream 1098 01:03:12,958 --> 01:03:17,520 So we decided to give Castro a box of poisoned cigars 1099 01:03:17,796 --> 01:03:19,229 There are samples in the files 1100 01:03:20,532 --> 01:03:21,999 Those samples are poisoned? 1101 01:03:30,909 --> 01:03:35,141 Anyway, l had heard that my favourite group, Danny and the Lifeguards... 1102 01:03:35,380 --> 01:03:37,473 was coming to Castro's palace to play 1103 01:03:37,749 --> 01:03:39,046 at his daughter's birthday party 1104 01:03:39,284 --> 01:03:42,720 So we arranged to accompany the band as part of their entourage 1105 01:03:42,954 --> 01:03:46,151 and have them present Castro with the poisoned cigars 1106 01:03:47,392 --> 01:03:50,190 Well, we've learned a lot today 1107 01:03:50,495 --> 01:03:51,894 Haven't we officer Quimp? 1108 01:03:52,163 --> 01:03:54,654 We've learned that you have a mongoose in your shorts 1109 01:03:54,866 --> 01:03:56,891 We've learned that the missing link isn't actually missing 1110 01:03:57,168 --> 01:03:58,692 she's married to Senator Farwood 1111 01:03:59,037 --> 01:04:03,337 But what we haven't learned about is the Bay of Pigs 1112 01:04:03,575 --> 01:04:06,544 l'm just coming to that, now that l'd come up with his cigar plan 1113 01:04:06,778 --> 01:04:10,441 Johnson had calmed down but unfortunately, Daisy had not 1114 01:04:12,183 --> 01:04:14,515 Not even General Batista could cheer her up 1115 01:04:16,855 --> 01:04:19,187 Making matters worse was our new maid 1116 01:04:19,591 --> 01:04:20,785 Where are those drinks? 1117 01:04:22,961 --> 01:04:26,328 Allen, we've got to do something about these domestic 1118 01:04:26,598 --> 01:04:28,327 l could lose my hair but not my mind 1119 01:04:28,533 --> 01:04:30,933 Daisy, when the company shipped me down here they said that 1120 01:04:31,202 --> 01:04:32,066 if l ever needed need anything... 1121 01:04:32,337 --> 01:04:33,827 l should just wire them for help 1122 01:04:34,072 --> 01:04:36,700 so go ahead, wire them for help 1123 01:04:37,309 --> 01:04:41,211 Cuban domestic situation intolerable Things must be cleaned up at once... 1124 01:04:41,446 --> 01:04:46,145 Otherwise fear total collapse, send help ASAP, Desperate Quimp 1125 01:04:46,885 --> 01:04:49,285 But we can't invade on the basis of wire 1126 01:04:49,521 --> 01:04:51,853 Sir, we believe that Officer Quimp has 1127 01:04:52,157 --> 01:04:53,647 sent us a number of message... 1128 01:04:53,925 --> 01:04:55,483 through the music he plays on the radio 1129 01:04:55,760 --> 01:04:57,455 asking for invasion 1130 01:04:57,762 --> 01:05:00,322 We've made a compilation, Listen 1131 01:05:01,132 --> 01:05:03,225 See you later alligator... 1132 01:05:04,336 --> 01:05:05,462 Castro must go 1133 01:05:06,438 --> 01:05:09,566 Come softly... 1134 01:05:10,008 --> 01:05:12,101 We should launch a surprise invasion 1135 01:05:12,711 --> 01:05:15,908 lt was an itsy bitsy teeny weeny yellow 1136 01:05:16,214 --> 01:05:17,647 poka dot bikini 1137 01:05:18,616 --> 01:05:21,346 The men should be dressed for an amphibious landing 1138 01:05:22,687 --> 01:05:26,817 l'm A hog... 1139 01:05:27,392 --> 01:05:30,520 Notice now officer Quimp repeats the phrase 1140 01:05:30,795 --> 01:05:33,730 l'm a Hog, l'm a Hog for you, baby 1141 01:05:33,832 --> 01:05:34,799 What do you make of it? 1142 01:05:35,033 --> 01:05:36,898 We think it's a tip about where to land 1143 01:05:37,202 --> 01:05:39,898 Cuba has an inlet called the Bay of Pigs 1144 01:05:44,209 --> 01:05:45,574 Get me the President 1145 01:05:48,980 --> 01:05:51,813 And so on April 1 7th, 1961 we began 1146 01:05:52,050 --> 01:05:54,314 our last assassination attempt 1147 01:05:56,021 --> 01:05:59,013 Disguised as hip record executives we went to the airport 1148 01:05:59,357 --> 01:06:00,984 and picked up the band 1149 01:06:01,493 --> 01:06:02,460 There he is 1150 01:06:04,629 --> 01:06:05,926 To insure a thorough knowledge of 1151 01:06:06,164 --> 01:06:06,926 the palace... 1152 01:06:07,198 --> 01:06:10,167 we brought along General Batista dressed as a chauffeur 1153 01:06:11,136 --> 01:06:14,162 Attention please, please, we are now approaching my palace 1154 01:06:14,706 --> 01:06:17,869 The palace, the former inhabitant of which was General Batista 1155 01:06:18,143 --> 01:06:18,575 you've heard of them 1156 01:06:18,843 --> 01:06:19,366 No 1157 01:06:19,677 --> 01:06:22,009 Oh, he's a very nice man, very elegant 1158 01:06:22,280 --> 01:06:25,647 Very musical, yes..., no bad body odors 1159 01:06:25,884 --> 01:06:28,444 Nobody ever called him a guerrilla, oh, no 1160 01:06:30,989 --> 01:06:32,820 You will perform in here 1161 01:06:33,158 --> 01:06:34,557 Don't scratch that floor 1162 01:06:35,093 --> 01:06:36,958 The wood is imported from a tiny island 1163 01:06:37,195 --> 01:06:38,924 off the coast of Madagascar that has not produced 1164 01:06:39,197 --> 01:06:41,665 similar quality lumber for over four hundred years 1165 01:06:44,269 --> 01:06:45,258 l'm guessing 1166 01:06:47,105 --> 01:06:48,697 Let me know if you need anything 1167 01:06:48,973 --> 01:06:51,100 Wow, Castro's got quite a spread 1168 01:06:51,609 --> 01:06:54,669 Between you and l though, l could never live in this big a space 1169 01:06:54,913 --> 01:06:57,609 No, well, you're such a modest guy Kind of like a friendly guy 1170 01:06:57,916 --> 01:06:58,848 What is it? 1171 01:06:59,084 --> 01:07:01,814 Between you and l? That's wrong, isn't it? 1172 01:07:02,087 --> 01:07:04,351 Oh, don't be such a stickler Language is a living thing 1173 01:07:04,622 --> 01:07:06,283 Bueno dios, amigos 1174 01:07:06,858 --> 01:07:09,918 We want to welcome you to our home 1175 01:07:10,228 --> 01:07:11,092 Your home? 1176 01:07:11,930 --> 01:07:16,697 ls so lovely. lt doesn't really seem like your home 1177 01:07:17,035 --> 01:07:18,798 but more like a museum 1178 01:07:19,003 --> 01:07:22,063 Yes, well, the greedy pygmy who used to here 1179 01:07:22,440 --> 01:07:26,774 was a petty bourgeois social climber who spent money on bathroom faucets 1180 01:07:27,078 --> 01:07:30,172 instead of spending on the people when we catch that fat midget 1181 01:07:30,482 --> 01:07:31,506 we are going to put him on display and 1182 01:07:31,850 --> 01:07:33,841 beat him like a pinata 1183 01:07:34,119 --> 01:07:34,881 El Presidente? 1184 01:07:35,286 --> 01:07:36,218 May l? 1185 01:07:40,225 --> 01:07:41,590 What are you doing to him? 1186 01:07:43,294 --> 01:07:45,558 lt's a special kind of diet 1187 01:07:47,665 --> 01:07:49,257 You won't feel like eating now 1188 01:07:49,868 --> 01:07:50,766 Amigo 1189 01:07:51,936 --> 01:07:55,770 l'm sorry to brother you before a concert but l have a question 1190 01:07:56,574 --> 01:08:00,340 Who does your publicity? you are in the paper all the time 1191 01:08:00,645 --> 01:08:03,375 That was a nice spread in Teen Beat Magazine last week 1192 01:08:03,615 --> 01:08:05,082 Thank, man, thanks a lot 1193 01:08:05,316 --> 01:08:08,843 Do you have to be a teen to be in Teen Beat? 1194 01:08:09,087 --> 01:08:12,682 Or could you just be a youthful world leader? 1195 01:08:13,525 --> 01:08:14,753 l'm not sure 1196 01:08:14,993 --> 01:08:18,326 Senor Presidente, the Soviet emissary is waiting for you 1197 01:08:19,130 --> 01:08:22,657 Business calls, well, my friend 1198 01:08:22,901 --> 01:08:26,530 if l don't finish in time to hear your concert many thanks 1199 01:08:27,906 --> 01:08:31,933 Okay, friends of freedom, you heard what that red rapist of Betsy Ross said 1200 01:08:32,210 --> 01:08:33,643 He may not be here after the concert 1201 01:08:33,978 --> 01:08:36,947 Brother Q, you and l need to follow him find him and do the job for liberty 1202 01:08:37,182 --> 01:08:38,581 We can't, we have no weapon, no way to harm him 1203 01:08:38,816 --> 01:08:41,785 lt's full of poison, we'll just have to get it in his bloodstream 1204 01:08:42,020 --> 01:08:43,817 Now, how we are going to do that with a pen? 1205 01:08:44,088 --> 01:08:45,214 lt's hypodermic nib 1206 01:08:46,925 --> 01:08:48,893 Allen, you be sure and be the one who jabs him 1207 01:08:49,294 --> 01:08:52,957 lf my book doesn't outsell the Bible l'm going to lose my faith in God 1208 01:08:53,198 --> 01:08:56,258 General Batista, you and Daisy keep an eye on things here 1209 01:08:56,868 --> 01:08:59,393 Brother Q, ready to bite the Big Bear? 1210 01:09:00,772 --> 01:09:02,967 Allen Jugular 1211 01:09:04,876 --> 01:09:07,003 General, your taste is exquisite 1212 01:09:07,245 --> 01:09:09,475 This place is fab times ten 1213 01:09:10,582 --> 01:09:12,607 l'm just not sure about the walls 1214 01:09:12,884 --> 01:09:16,012 No, l think the butternut squash is 1215 01:09:16,254 --> 01:09:17,983 a little Miami Beach 1216 01:09:19,490 --> 01:09:22,926 lf you want to see exquisite, please 1217 01:09:35,406 --> 01:09:38,307 And when could we expect to have this come? 1218 01:09:38,676 --> 01:09:41,770 Will be here in one, maybe two weeks 1219 01:09:42,013 --> 01:09:44,948 lt will be a great day for Cuba when they arrive 1220 01:09:45,717 --> 01:09:47,878 Will we show those capitalist pigs 1221 01:09:48,152 --> 01:09:50,518 they can't push Fidel Castro around anymore 1222 01:09:51,356 --> 01:09:55,315 But enough of business, how is our beautiful wife? 1223 01:09:57,228 --> 01:10:00,163 Senor Presidente, your call is ready 1224 01:10:00,932 --> 01:10:03,366 My apologies, l will return 1225 01:10:31,696 --> 01:10:34,358 My friend, l must return to my daughter's birthday party 1226 01:10:34,599 --> 01:10:37,067 but yes of course, send the missiles 1227 01:10:37,302 --> 01:10:38,291 Thank you 1228 01:10:38,536 --> 01:10:40,197 Thank you, Mr. Gorbachov 1229 01:10:42,540 --> 01:10:43,768 Come on, l show you out 1230 01:10:48,546 --> 01:10:50,036 Please, please 1231 01:10:50,381 --> 01:10:55,409 This is, was my bedroom 1232 01:10:55,653 --> 01:10:58,315 Oh General, fatos mucho tico 1233 01:10:58,523 --> 01:11:00,115 Che, Che, Che, my baby 1234 01:11:00,325 --> 01:11:02,350 May l? Snap snap 1235 01:11:03,995 --> 01:11:07,931 Oh, if only this hand-crafted 18th century 1236 01:11:08,166 --> 01:11:11,158 four poster bed with the original canopy could talk 1237 01:11:12,303 --> 01:11:14,863 Where's the bathroom? l'm a fixtures nut 1238 01:11:15,073 --> 01:11:17,166 Yes, please, please 1239 01:11:24,782 --> 01:11:28,775 Maracas, mamacita gave these to me 1240 01:11:31,656 --> 01:11:35,922 l always wanted to be a musician The piano is my passion 1241 01:11:36,394 --> 01:11:40,922 But Mamacita said l should have something to fall back on, so... 1242 01:11:41,366 --> 01:11:42,833 l became a dictator 1243 01:11:44,035 --> 01:11:47,436 When you come out, l want to show you this portrait of Mamacita 1244 01:11:50,341 --> 01:11:54,573 He has moved the portrait of Mamacita if he sold it, l will kill him 1245 01:11:54,846 --> 01:11:55,710 with the bare hands of the man that 1246 01:11:55,980 --> 01:11:58,141 l hired to kill him with his bare hands 1247 01:11:59,650 --> 01:12:00,708 Where can her picture be? 1248 01:12:00,952 --> 01:12:03,682 ls she a squatty red-haired woman? 1249 01:12:03,955 --> 01:12:05,616 Mamacita is in the bathroom? 1250 01:12:06,958 --> 01:12:08,289 l will kill him 1251 01:12:11,863 --> 01:12:14,127 Listen to me, the plan's back in place 1252 01:12:14,365 --> 01:12:15,855 Castro's coming to the concert after all 1253 01:12:16,067 --> 01:12:17,625 so all we have to do is give him the cigars them 1254 01:12:17,835 --> 01:12:18,767 Hey guys 1255 01:12:19,737 --> 01:12:22,535 Holy S! What happened? 1256 01:12:23,141 --> 01:12:24,267 Oh, God 1257 01:12:25,843 --> 01:12:29,335 Okay, calm down. Relax l brought along an antidote just in case 1258 01:12:29,614 --> 01:12:32,105 anything went wrong, which in your case 1259 01:12:32,350 --> 01:12:34,147 is a hundred percent certainty 1260 01:12:34,385 --> 01:12:35,352 How long will it take? 1261 01:12:35,653 --> 01:12:36,950 Maybe about half an hour 1262 01:12:37,288 --> 01:12:37,913 Half an hour? 1263 01:12:38,256 --> 01:12:38,984 Relax 1264 01:12:39,023 --> 01:12:41,651 Presidente Castro and his daughter have taken their seats 1265 01:12:41,959 --> 01:12:43,551 The concert must begin 1266 01:12:46,564 --> 01:12:49,556 Fernando, how can you do this to me? After all l've done for you? 1267 01:12:49,834 --> 01:12:50,664 l do not know you 1268 01:12:52,069 --> 01:12:54,663 Of course, l forget my cunning disguise 1269 01:12:56,340 --> 01:13:00,333 Generalissimo Batista? My prayers have been answered 1270 01:13:00,578 --> 01:13:03,775 Now l can kill you and pay you back for twenty years of hell 1271 01:13:05,483 --> 01:13:06,074 Hurry 1272 01:13:06,751 --> 01:13:10,619 And now, Carlotta's favorite group Danny and the Lifeguards 1273 01:13:18,763 --> 01:13:20,458 l have no idea how to play these 1274 01:13:20,665 --> 01:13:22,530 Just pretend they're Castro's face 1275 01:13:31,409 --> 01:13:34,867 Buenos dias, Havana, and a special feliz... 1276 01:13:35,880 --> 01:13:38,906 birthday to Carlotta Castro 1277 01:13:39,217 --> 01:13:41,651 we'd like to dedicate to her our number one hit 1278 01:13:42,620 --> 01:13:44,781 Old MacDonald 1279 01:13:47,124 --> 01:13:52,323 Old MacDonald had a farm, E-l-e-l-o 1280 01:13:53,865 --> 01:13:57,528 And on that farm not much went on 1281 01:13:57,902 --> 01:14:00,166 Life moved pretty slow 1282 01:14:02,473 --> 01:14:06,534 Just a quack, quack here and a moo moo there 1283 01:14:06,911 --> 01:14:09,744 Not much action anywhere 1284 01:14:11,516 --> 01:14:17,921 Old MacDonald had a farm, E-l-e-l-o 1285 01:14:21,526 --> 01:14:25,553 Those pills we took on the plane were definitely not uppers 1286 01:14:27,932 --> 01:14:29,957 Lifeguards. Wake up 1287 01:14:40,745 --> 01:14:41,643 What are you doing? 1288 01:14:41,879 --> 01:14:43,870 You guys are out. We had to play 1289 01:14:44,148 --> 01:14:46,116 but we don't know how to 1290 01:14:46,551 --> 01:14:49,543 Oh man, hey, we do 1291 01:14:49,787 --> 01:14:51,186 Get ready to start faking it 1292 01:14:51,589 --> 01:14:54,888 Billy, Micky, Skippy, PT, let's rock roll 1293 01:14:55,593 --> 01:14:58,391 Everyday the radio played 1294 01:14:58,663 --> 01:15:01,291 The songs were all the same 1295 01:15:04,035 --> 01:15:07,027 Heavy strings and other things sounded 1296 01:15:07,305 --> 01:15:08,932 pretty time 1297 01:15:09,840 --> 01:15:12,468 Then came a sound with a brand new goal 1298 01:15:12,743 --> 01:15:15,234 to shake your heart and rattle your soul 1299 01:15:15,546 --> 01:15:17,912 Old MacDonal loved this sound 1300 01:15:18,182 --> 01:15:20,309 the sound called Rock-N-Roll 1301 01:15:20,618 --> 01:15:23,246 He'd never heard a sound like this in all 1302 01:15:23,521 --> 01:15:25,716 his live long days 1303 01:15:25,957 --> 01:15:28,425 lt make his fingers snap and twitch 1304 01:15:28,659 --> 01:15:30,854 his feet moved in a craze 1305 01:15:31,128 --> 01:15:33,596 With a doo-wop here and a yeah-yeah there 1306 01:15:33,898 --> 01:15:36,366 Mac no longer was a square 1307 01:15:41,439 --> 01:15:44,169 And now the barnyard critters love this sound 1308 01:15:46,611 --> 01:15:49,273 They started dancing all around 1309 01:16:41,132 --> 01:16:42,656 Batista is in the palace 1310 01:16:44,035 --> 01:16:46,731 There he is, catch that capitalist dwarf 1311 01:16:46,937 --> 01:16:48,928 Evacuate... 1312 01:16:50,474 --> 01:16:53,341 All right, let's divert them, Chief General you go that way 1313 01:16:53,577 --> 01:16:54,703 Q, Daisy take this stairs 1314 01:17:03,054 --> 01:17:04,282 Do you know the way out? 1315 01:17:04,522 --> 01:17:05,750 We've got to go, he said go this way 1316 01:17:05,990 --> 01:17:09,118 Hurry, move it... 1317 01:17:10,828 --> 01:17:13,058 Let me go, l'm a tourist 1318 01:17:14,832 --> 01:17:15,958 The cover of Life 1319 01:17:16,167 --> 01:17:18,863 Daisy, come on, Forget the pictures 1320 01:17:19,136 --> 01:17:21,696 l don't care what anyone says you can't go wrong with big stones 1321 01:17:25,710 --> 01:17:26,574 Hurry 1322 01:17:28,446 --> 01:17:30,004 Move it... 1323 01:17:37,888 --> 01:17:41,153 These weeds, will you look at these weeds lt's a sin 1324 01:17:42,693 --> 01:17:44,388 Come on, give me your hand 1325 01:17:45,062 --> 01:17:47,462 Good God, if we get out of this place we are going straight back to Greenwich 1326 01:17:47,732 --> 01:17:48,892 Oh good, then we'll call a realtor 1327 01:17:49,133 --> 01:17:51,226 we can't go back to that tacky little shack we need a new house 1328 01:17:51,469 --> 01:17:51,992 A new house? 1329 01:17:52,269 --> 01:17:55,295 Spanish style, we can build one with fountains and 1330 01:17:59,076 --> 01:18:01,408 Q,Q man, let's do like that big bald bird 1331 01:18:01,812 --> 01:18:04,542 we love and fly to freedom, come on 1332 01:18:06,650 --> 01:18:08,311 Allen, are you coming? 1333 01:18:12,890 --> 01:18:16,451 Q...l'm sorry, man 1334 01:18:16,727 --> 01:18:20,219 but it was too dangerous to go back for daisy, God save her from her captors 1335 01:18:20,431 --> 01:18:22,228 Yeah, well, God save her captors 1336 01:18:22,500 --> 01:18:25,867 There's the boat to liberty, let's go 1337 01:18:37,748 --> 01:18:38,772 Come on, Q 1338 01:18:39,683 --> 01:18:42,345 Hey man, what's all this boat traffic? 1339 01:18:42,586 --> 01:18:46,147 We're going to Bay of Pigs to take back the mother island, Cuba libre 1340 01:18:46,390 --> 01:18:49,086 Cuba libre, is there room for two more 1341 01:18:49,326 --> 01:18:50,156 Two more 1342 01:18:50,828 --> 01:18:53,661 Brother Q, you ready to return? 1343 01:18:53,864 --> 01:18:56,332 Oh, well, no, don't think l should go to 1344 01:18:56,634 --> 01:18:58,761 the agency and debrief them about the Russian 1345 01:18:59,036 --> 01:19:01,004 Good idea, l better go 1346 01:19:01,405 --> 01:19:03,703 l hate to miss a chance to bring the bear to his knees 1347 01:19:04,875 --> 01:19:08,003 But that means that this is goodbye 1348 01:19:12,149 --> 01:19:14,845 l know l was a little impatient with you sometimes 1349 01:19:15,186 --> 01:19:17,950 And sometimes rough, but we really stuck 1350 01:19:18,222 --> 01:19:19,985 our necks out for the red, white and blue 1351 01:19:21,192 --> 01:19:24,355 l'm proud we were partners, shoot 1352 01:19:24,695 --> 01:19:26,822 here l go again, Old salty 1353 01:19:28,632 --> 01:19:32,363 Cuba libre... 1354 01:19:32,736 --> 01:19:37,799 Cuba libre... 1355 01:19:38,242 --> 01:19:40,836 Vamos, muchachos 1356 01:19:43,047 --> 01:19:45,345 Officer Quimp, your bravery in trying 1357 01:19:45,616 --> 01:19:47,584 to assassinate Castro 1358 01:19:47,885 --> 01:19:49,716 makes you and exemplary agent 1359 01:19:50,154 --> 01:19:51,314 The markings you placed on 1360 01:19:51,522 --> 01:19:55,356 Mr. Grobachev's head will identify him as a man to watch 1361 01:19:55,693 --> 01:19:59,129 Though the invasion was botched it proves 1362 01:19:59,396 --> 01:20:01,830 the need for greater funding of the ClA 1363 01:20:02,066 --> 01:20:05,365 l'm sorry to have to tell you your wife was arrested 1364 01:20:05,603 --> 01:20:06,729 though it is against our policy 1365 01:20:06,971 --> 01:20:08,461 to pay for such things, we were prepared 1366 01:20:08,672 --> 01:20:10,833 to make the Cubans an offer before we could 1367 01:20:11,075 --> 01:20:13,839 they made us an offer if we would take her off their hands 1368 01:20:14,111 --> 01:20:15,544 it was apparently the first time in Cuban 1369 01:20:15,813 --> 01:20:18,543 penal history where it was the guards who rioted 1370 01:20:19,083 --> 01:20:21,677 Now if you'll step to the door behind me 1371 01:20:22,720 --> 01:20:24,278 there is a surprise for you 1372 01:20:30,194 --> 01:20:31,320 Jack 1373 01:20:31,562 --> 01:20:34,759 No, sorry, that's my 3:30, that door to the right 1374 01:20:39,904 --> 01:20:40,802 Daisy 1375 01:20:41,005 --> 01:20:45,237 Yes, there are one or two little details about your departure 1376 01:20:45,509 --> 01:20:48,535 l'd like to discuss with you, but that can wait till we're outside 1377 01:20:48,779 --> 01:20:49,837 Get me an assignment, will you? 1378 01:20:53,784 --> 01:20:55,581 And that is 1379 01:20:55,819 --> 01:20:59,653 how the Bay of Pigs happened 1380 01:21:03,294 --> 01:21:05,489 Pretty much what you might have guessed 1381 01:21:05,863 --> 01:21:08,331 l'm curious, Officer Quimp, it's been 1382 01:21:08,565 --> 01:21:10,795 some time since the events 1383 01:21:11,068 --> 01:21:12,558 What's happened to everyone? 1384 01:21:12,770 --> 01:21:15,864 Well, Chief Lowther managed to escape through Guatemala 1385 01:21:16,140 --> 01:21:17,505 He got the first plane to Paris 1386 01:21:17,741 --> 01:21:20,505 Stewardess, some Chateau lakfikke s'il vous-palit 1387 01:21:20,978 --> 01:21:22,468 Unfortunately, that plane was hi-jacked 1388 01:21:23,981 --> 01:21:25,107 to Havana 1389 01:21:25,382 --> 01:21:28,943 Jesus, please, Let this is just be a bad acid flashback 1390 01:21:29,987 --> 01:21:31,852 And General Batista? 1391 01:21:32,222 --> 01:21:33,849 Things worked out very nicely for 1392 01:21:34,091 --> 01:21:36,582 the General, he landed in Miami Beach 1393 01:21:38,262 --> 01:21:41,129 Men grow cold as girls grow old 1394 01:21:41,332 --> 01:21:43,562 and we all lose our charms in the end 1395 01:21:43,834 --> 01:21:45,131 lsn't that the truth, Betty? 1396 01:21:45,536 --> 01:21:47,834 But square-shaped or pear shaped 1397 01:21:48,105 --> 01:21:49,970 those rocks don't lose their shape 1398 01:21:50,808 --> 01:21:54,403 Diamonds are a boy's best friend as well as dollars 1399 01:21:54,678 --> 01:21:57,408 Diamonds are a boy's best friend 1400 01:21:58,916 --> 01:22:01,942 Thank you, One bottle more for Betty and now... 1401 01:22:02,086 --> 01:22:06,045 What about your wife? Were there any consequences for her? 1402 01:22:08,525 --> 01:22:11,824 Yes, my weeks in the Cuban prison were 1403 01:22:12,096 --> 01:22:13,188 frightening... 1404 01:22:13,464 --> 01:22:15,591 but as woman who twice a year passed 1405 01:22:15,833 --> 01:22:18,267 through Times Square on matinee day 1406 01:22:18,635 --> 01:22:20,569 l was no stranger 1407 01:22:20,971 --> 01:22:24,065 to depravity and horror 1408 01:22:27,878 --> 01:22:31,143 Thank you, thank you so much 1409 01:22:31,548 --> 01:22:34,346 Thank you, in advance 1410 01:22:38,489 --> 01:22:42,482 l don't think the government of the Untied States has ever been so disgraced 1411 01:22:43,293 --> 01:22:46,194 Hickle, if you don't want me to make these 1412 01:22:46,497 --> 01:22:48,465 findings public, then l suggest you send... 1413 01:22:48,832 --> 01:22:51,858 this guy and his lunatic partner as far 1414 01:22:52,169 --> 01:22:53,693 from America as possible 1415 01:22:53,737 --> 01:22:57,969 There is nothing l'd like better, l mean that's very prudent decision Senator 1416 01:22:58,275 --> 01:23:00,709 Just send them some place quiet 1417 01:23:01,178 --> 01:23:04,477 some place so unknown... 1418 01:23:04,748 --> 01:23:08,514 that even the people living there haven't heard about it, you got me? 1419 01:23:08,952 --> 01:23:10,817 We get you 1420 01:23:16,627 --> 01:23:17,753 Quiet 1421 01:23:29,673 --> 01:23:30,162 AllenQuimp? 1422 01:23:30,441 --> 01:23:30,998 Yes, that's l 1423 01:23:31,275 --> 01:23:32,537 Hey, let me take that for you 1424 01:23:33,043 --> 01:23:33,600 l'm Scott Emmons 1425 01:23:33,877 --> 01:23:34,775 Oh, hi, how are you? 1426 01:23:35,546 --> 01:23:36,672 Welcom to Vietnam 1427 01:23:37,047 --> 01:23:40,073 Oh gee, this is so exciting, Ciao Vietnam 1428 01:23:40,317 --> 01:23:42,182 Hey listen, l'm going to take you to the Embassy 1429 01:23:42,419 --> 01:23:45,582 And just between you and l it is the place to be at 1430 01:23:46,090 --> 01:23:47,148 Between you and l? 1431 01:23:47,591 --> 01:23:50,025 There's nothing wrong with that, is there 1432 01:23:50,294 --> 01:23:52,922 Well, this is going to be a marvelous ride for you Emmons because.. 1433 01:23:53,263 --> 01:23:54,855 you're about to take a trip using the most 1434 01:23:55,199 --> 01:23:56,791 powerful vessel known to mankind 1435 01:23:57,134 --> 01:23:58,863 The human mind