1 00:00:00,039 --> 00:00:01,258 To Cece, 2 00:00:01,283 --> 00:00:04,273 for booking her first client's first modeling gig. 3 00:00:04,298 --> 00:00:05,304 Hey! 4 00:00:05,329 --> 00:00:06,625 - Cheers. - And to Winston 5 00:00:06,650 --> 00:00:09,983 for making Donovan the face of LAPD's recruitment campaign. 6 00:00:10,019 --> 00:00:12,256 I just hope he doesn't look better in blue than I do. 7 00:00:12,281 --> 00:00:14,121 - Wink. - Oh, he definitely will. He's a model. 8 00:00:14,156 --> 00:00:15,695 So in honor of this occasion, 9 00:00:15,720 --> 00:00:17,501 we all got you gifts for your home office. 10 00:00:17,526 --> 00:00:19,660 You may know it by its former name, 11 00:00:19,695 --> 00:00:21,125 the dining room table. 12 00:00:21,150 --> 00:00:23,140 Me first. A cubicle, 13 00:00:24,250 --> 00:00:25,906 - swinging balls, - Mm. 14 00:00:25,935 --> 00:00:27,648 an outgoing mailbox, 15 00:00:27,673 --> 00:00:30,475 a cartoon that is very derogatory towards Mondays. 16 00:00:30,500 --> 00:00:33,006 - So thoughtful, babe. - Will that mailbox be functional? 17 00:00:33,042 --> 00:00:34,975 If it wasn't, it would just be a box, wouldn't it? 18 00:00:35,010 --> 00:00:36,451 So can I buy a stamp for this letter? 19 00:00:36,476 --> 00:00:37,511 It's not a post office, man. 20 00:00:37,546 --> 00:00:40,068 - Who else has a gift? - Whoo! Bull button. 21 00:00:40,093 --> 00:00:43,015 You press that, guaranteed crowd pleaser. 22 00:00:43,040 --> 00:00:44,594 - Bull! - Ooh! 23 00:00:47,109 --> 00:00:48,322 I got something better. 24 00:00:48,445 --> 00:00:50,359 Noise-canceling headphones. 25 00:00:50,384 --> 00:00:52,159 Thank you. Wow. 26 00:00:52,194 --> 00:00:53,660 - Yeah, are those mine? - Yes. 27 00:00:53,696 --> 00:00:56,016 - They're broken. - Oh, nothing is ever truly broken. 28 00:00:56,040 --> 00:00:58,420 All right, well, I got you a filing cabinet 29 00:00:58,445 --> 00:01:00,434 to file all the headshots of your clients. 30 00:01:00,469 --> 00:01:03,790 FYI, Ferguson's in one of those drawers making fluffies. 31 00:01:05,717 --> 00:01:08,195 "Fluffies" is cat farts. 32 00:01:11,492 --> 00:01:13,714 Bull! 33 00:01:15,439 --> 00:01:17,422 Synced and corrected by Aaronnmb www.addic7ed.com 34 00:01:18,254 --> 00:01:19,435 Do you have a stamp for this letter? 35 00:01:19,460 --> 00:01:21,421 Is that a bill from when you were in the hospital? 36 00:01:21,457 --> 00:01:22,689 Oh, this? Yeah, it is. 37 00:01:22,725 --> 00:01:25,014 Turns out they, uh, they charge for new knees. 38 00:01:25,039 --> 00:01:26,860 I feel so bad. 39 00:01:26,896 --> 00:01:28,090 I should pay that. 40 00:01:28,115 --> 00:01:29,814 - What? Why? - Seriously? 41 00:01:36,972 --> 00:01:38,945 Oh my God, your bad knee! Oh, my God! 42 00:01:38,970 --> 00:01:40,670 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 43 00:01:40,695 --> 00:01:41,775 But wait a second, why do you want to pay? 44 00:01:41,811 --> 00:01:43,764 I turned your knee into a bag of marbles. 45 00:01:43,789 --> 00:01:44,945 I should pay your medical bill. 46 00:01:44,972 --> 00:01:47,084 This is my only bill, and it's just a baby bill. 47 00:01:47,117 --> 00:01:49,583 You know, it's so small and cute, like my nephew Baby Bill. 48 00:01:49,618 --> 00:01:52,609 - Give me that baby. - I feel bad, but okay. 49 00:01:52,968 --> 00:01:54,742 Wait, how did you... 50 00:01:54,968 --> 00:01:56,438 I studied pickpocketing 51 00:01:56,463 --> 00:01:57,795 when I played the Artful Dodger 52 00:01:57,820 --> 00:01:59,226 in my college production of Oliver! 53 00:01:59,261 --> 00:02:01,154 Oh, wow, that's so cool. 54 00:02:01,179 --> 00:02:03,597 - Oh, wait, so did I. - What... 55 00:02:03,632 --> 00:02:04,795 Ow, Winston, 56 00:02:04,820 --> 00:02:06,300 straighten your arms when you eat. 57 00:02:06,335 --> 00:02:07,634 You don't think I want to? 58 00:02:07,670 --> 00:02:10,420 - Ain't no room, fam. - Straighten your arms, fam. 59 00:02:10,445 --> 00:02:12,218 - Then how am I gonna reach my food? - Oh. 60 00:02:12,243 --> 00:02:14,141 Okay, I'm sorry, the cubicle will be gone soon, 61 00:02:14,176 --> 00:02:16,076 but this is a real make-or-break moment for me. 62 00:02:16,111 --> 00:02:17,556 Either I'll look back at this as my 63 00:02:17,581 --> 00:02:19,580 "Steve Jobs in the garage" phase, 64 00:02:19,615 --> 00:02:21,756 or that misguided month where I tried to be a manager 65 00:02:21,781 --> 00:02:22,983 at the dining room table. 66 00:02:23,018 --> 00:02:24,718 You are absolutely Jobs. 67 00:02:24,753 --> 00:02:27,484 And I'm Woz sitting next to you the whole time in a... 68 00:02:27,882 --> 00:02:29,456 slightly lower chair. 69 00:02:29,491 --> 00:02:31,391 And speaking of jobs, by the way, 70 00:02:31,427 --> 00:02:33,295 you guys need to be like Winston 71 00:02:33,320 --> 00:02:35,195 and start getting jobs for Donovan. 72 00:02:35,231 --> 00:02:37,928 Don't you basically work on ads for a living, Schmidt? 73 00:02:37,953 --> 00:02:40,584 Yeah, well, my current account is for a menopause pill 74 00:02:40,609 --> 00:02:41,857 that eliminates night sweats. 75 00:02:41,882 --> 00:02:43,185 Oh, you're repping EstroFuel? 76 00:02:43,210 --> 00:02:44,805 Yes. Chest bump. 77 00:02:44,840 --> 00:02:46,672 You know, maybe I could use Donovan 78 00:02:46,697 --> 00:02:48,709 for the cover of The Pepperwood Chronicles. 79 00:02:48,750 --> 00:02:50,510 I mean, he wouldn't be Pepperwood but... 80 00:02:50,538 --> 00:02:51,537 - Gator! - Oh, Gator! 81 00:02:51,580 --> 00:02:53,318 It's perfect. 82 00:02:53,343 --> 00:02:55,782 - He could be a great Gator. - Why don't you just use a real gator? 83 00:02:55,818 --> 00:02:56,851 What? 84 00:02:56,876 --> 00:02:59,475 Gator is Pepperwood's best friend... 85 00:02:59,500 --> 00:03:00,854 - and clairvoyant brother. - Mm. 86 00:03:00,882 --> 00:03:02,648 Oh, my bad. Sorry, I haven't read it yet. 87 00:03:02,673 --> 00:03:03,701 - What? - What? 88 00:03:03,726 --> 00:03:05,500 - Doesn't matter. - Clear the next 24 hours. 89 00:03:05,525 --> 00:03:07,828 - You haven't read it? - It's really not that big of a deal. 90 00:03:07,854 --> 00:03:10,007 I also don't have an extra hard copy so let's just talk about something else. 91 00:03:10,032 --> 00:03:11,640 Ooh, you can take mine. 92 00:03:11,665 --> 00:03:13,521 I've highlighted the more sexual parts. 93 00:03:13,546 --> 00:03:14,553 I'm not ashamed. 94 00:03:14,578 --> 00:03:16,256 - Great. - Great. 95 00:03:16,281 --> 00:03:17,437 Now you get to read it. 96 00:03:17,473 --> 00:03:19,421 Now I get to read it. 97 00:03:19,749 --> 00:03:22,818 Robby's hospital bill is only $400. 98 00:03:22,843 --> 00:03:25,070 - That seem low to you? - Did he have a minor procedure? 99 00:03:25,095 --> 00:03:27,631 No, he had what the doctors call "a full Frankenstein." 100 00:03:27,655 --> 00:03:29,694 - They put dog bones in his knee. - Then that's way off. 101 00:03:29,728 --> 00:03:30,803 It's got to be much higher. 102 00:03:30,828 --> 00:03:32,920 Do you think he thinks I can't afford the full amount? 103 00:03:34,478 --> 00:03:36,435 What? Teachers have money. 104 00:03:36,460 --> 00:03:39,257 You guys know how large I live. I'm flush with cash. 105 00:03:39,288 --> 00:03:40,387 I'm paying that bill. 106 00:03:40,412 --> 00:03:41,444 I'm going to the bank right now. 107 00:03:41,469 --> 00:03:43,148 I'm probably gonna take a limousine. 108 00:03:43,212 --> 00:03:45,976 Taking a limo to the bank. What is she, a cartoon cat? 109 00:03:47,953 --> 00:03:50,396 - He kills it every time. - Every time, man. 110 00:03:50,421 --> 00:03:51,542 I'm sorry we got in a fight. 111 00:03:51,578 --> 00:03:53,648 - I feel close again. - I'm not. 112 00:03:53,673 --> 00:03:55,671 Okay, Donovan, you just caught a shoplifter 113 00:03:55,696 --> 00:03:57,562 and now you're celebrating with a street taco. 114 00:03:57,757 --> 00:03:59,265 That's exactly it! 115 00:03:59,290 --> 00:04:01,424 - Get him, Donovan. - I love this. 116 00:04:01,851 --> 00:04:03,572 - Get him, Cece. - Yeah, okay. 117 00:04:03,623 --> 00:04:05,823 Donovan, you're a natural cop. 118 00:04:05,859 --> 00:04:07,892 Hey, what agency are you from? 2L? 119 00:04:07,927 --> 00:04:09,093 Oh, um, hmm, 120 00:04:09,129 --> 00:04:11,929 I'm... from an agency that is 121 00:04:11,965 --> 00:04:14,351 - uh, quite, um... but... - Cece's Boys. 122 00:04:14,376 --> 00:04:16,845 Cece's Boys, where the men are boys, 123 00:04:16,870 --> 00:04:18,736 and the-and the boys are Cece's. 124 00:04:18,771 --> 00:04:20,546 - All right. - You like it? 125 00:04:20,571 --> 00:04:21,770 I love it. 126 00:04:21,795 --> 00:04:23,007 You're going downtown! 127 00:04:23,032 --> 00:04:25,195 Anything you say, Officer. 128 00:04:30,783 --> 00:04:32,156 Oh, hi, Jess. 129 00:04:32,181 --> 00:04:34,982 - That was really good. - Just laying down a stanky B line. 130 00:04:35,007 --> 00:04:37,574 Cool, cool. Hey, um, 131 00:04:37,599 --> 00:04:39,367 I feel like Baby Bill here 132 00:04:39,392 --> 00:04:42,250 has a lot of brothers and sisters. 133 00:04:42,281 --> 00:04:43,761 So what's the real total? 134 00:04:43,796 --> 00:04:45,351 No, Jess, that's it, I swear. 135 00:04:45,376 --> 00:04:47,109 Come on, Robby, $400? 136 00:04:47,134 --> 00:04:48,299 I know what's going on here. 137 00:04:48,334 --> 00:04:49,567 You think I'm too poor to pay. 138 00:04:49,592 --> 00:04:50,607 - I... - But you know what? 139 00:04:50,634 --> 00:04:52,492 Would a poor person... 140 00:04:53,239 --> 00:04:54,472 do this? 141 00:04:54,507 --> 00:04:56,031 How much is it? How much? 142 00:04:56,056 --> 00:04:57,508 Jess, I'm not gonna tell you, okay? 143 00:04:57,544 --> 00:04:58,976 Unless you ask me repeatedly, 144 00:04:59,012 --> 00:05:00,593 in which case I'll eventually crack. Damn it. 145 00:05:00,618 --> 00:05:02,118 - What's the total? - Uh.. no. 146 00:05:02,143 --> 00:05:03,351 - What's the total? - No. 147 00:05:03,376 --> 00:05:04,601 - What's the total? - Not gonna tell you. 148 00:05:04,626 --> 00:05:06,484 What's the total? 149 00:05:06,519 --> 00:05:07,919 $200,000. 150 00:05:16,423 --> 00:05:17,561 Seinfeld. 151 00:05:19,689 --> 00:05:21,856 Moment of truth. 152 00:05:22,500 --> 00:05:24,821 Yep, here it is. 153 00:05:25,064 --> 00:05:26,673 So please don't feel any pressure to like it, 154 00:05:26,698 --> 00:05:30,300 even though I spent 7,000 hours writing it. 155 00:05:30,576 --> 00:05:33,210 So without further ado, or as Pepperwood would say, 156 00:05:33,235 --> 00:05:35,313 "Ah-don't." 157 00:05:35,338 --> 00:05:37,298 You'll get that when you read it. 158 00:05:37,410 --> 00:05:39,727 Here it is. 159 00:05:40,087 --> 00:05:41,245 Here it is. 160 00:05:41,280 --> 00:05:43,446 I cannot wait to read this. 161 00:05:43,501 --> 00:05:46,993 I cannot wait to R-E-A... 162 00:05:47,018 --> 00:05:48,126 - Jess! - Jess! 163 00:05:48,151 --> 00:05:49,540 Hey, there she is. 164 00:05:49,565 --> 00:05:51,008 Oh, me, hey. 165 00:05:52,057 --> 00:05:54,618 Sorry to interrupt. Are you re-reading The Pepperwood Chronicles? 166 00:05:54,643 --> 00:05:57,101 It is actually my very first time. 167 00:05:57,126 --> 00:05:59,165 - A TPC virgin. - Yeah. 168 00:05:59,190 --> 00:06:01,432 "Ah-don't..." believe it. 169 00:06:01,467 --> 00:06:03,040 - I'll get out of your hair. - No, no, no, stay. 170 00:06:03,065 --> 00:06:04,673 No, what is all that stuff in your hands? 171 00:06:04,698 --> 00:06:05,960 I'm totaling my assets. 172 00:06:05,985 --> 00:06:07,337 It's really bleak. 173 00:06:07,362 --> 00:06:09,373 You can't say that and then not elaborate, right? 174 00:06:09,409 --> 00:06:11,212 No, I feel like we should really unpack this. 175 00:06:11,237 --> 00:06:12,543 - Really? - Definitely. 176 00:06:12,578 --> 00:06:13,878 Thanks, guys. 177 00:06:15,148 --> 00:06:18,271 Well, Robby's medical bills are a fifth of a million dollars 178 00:06:18,313 --> 00:06:19,501 and I'm freaking out. 179 00:06:19,526 --> 00:06:21,619 I almost rounded up all my ballet flats 180 00:06:21,654 --> 00:06:24,180 and sold them on flattyflattyboomboom.com, 181 00:06:24,205 --> 00:06:26,235 the premier website for used flats. 182 00:06:26,260 --> 00:06:28,059 Well, there are other options. There are other options. 183 00:06:28,094 --> 00:06:30,594 Um, as somebody who passed the bar exam eight years ago, 184 00:06:30,630 --> 00:06:32,730 I could offer you legal expertise. 185 00:06:32,765 --> 00:06:34,212 I could read the medical paperwork. 186 00:06:34,237 --> 00:06:38,266 Oh! An almost lawyer and a sort of doctor. 187 00:06:38,291 --> 00:06:40,158 Lucky me. Okay. 188 00:06:40,183 --> 00:06:42,016 Strategy sesh in the cubicle. 189 00:06:42,041 --> 00:06:44,243 I'll meet you guys there. 190 00:06:45,144 --> 00:06:47,011 Or we can go... all go together if you want. 191 00:06:47,038 --> 00:06:48,071 - Together. - Yeah. 192 00:06:48,104 --> 00:06:50,104 - Yeah, let's go together. - Great. 193 00:06:51,084 --> 00:06:53,560 I rewrote the EstroFuel ad to star a hunk, 194 00:06:53,585 --> 00:06:55,718 and I got Donovan the gig. 195 00:06:55,743 --> 00:06:56,951 Whoo! 196 00:06:56,984 --> 00:06:58,006 - Hey, everybody, - Yes! 197 00:06:58,031 --> 00:06:59,576 I just want to let you know, I've thought about it, 198 00:06:59,601 --> 00:07:01,002 and I'm quitting modeling 199 00:07:01,027 --> 00:07:03,209 to focus on applying to police school. 200 00:07:07,934 --> 00:07:10,912 Honey, that is a very radical career change, okay? 201 00:07:10,967 --> 00:07:13,561 That's why I like it. I can't be tied down. 202 00:07:14,016 --> 00:07:15,600 Picture this: 203 00:07:16,342 --> 00:07:18,209 your mom has night sweats. 204 00:07:18,454 --> 00:07:19,787 She needs relief. 205 00:07:19,812 --> 00:07:21,733 Luckily, she has a handsome son 206 00:07:21,758 --> 00:07:23,358 to go pick up her supplements, 207 00:07:23,383 --> 00:07:26,975 because menopause isn't just about women anymore. 208 00:07:27,522 --> 00:07:28,888 EstroFuel: 209 00:07:29,222 --> 00:07:31,475 putting the men back in menopause. 210 00:07:31,974 --> 00:07:32,940 Starring Donovan. 211 00:07:32,965 --> 00:07:34,058 Wow. 212 00:07:34,085 --> 00:07:36,022 That's... wow, what an opportunity. 213 00:07:36,047 --> 00:07:37,334 But I'm becoming a cop. 214 00:07:37,359 --> 00:07:38,969 No. No! 215 00:07:38,994 --> 00:07:41,778 You are the face of EstroFuel. 216 00:07:41,803 --> 00:07:44,029 - The shoot is tonight. - Oh, my God, it's tonight? 217 00:07:44,054 --> 00:07:46,240 And I told my boss that Cece's Boys would be there. 218 00:07:46,265 --> 00:07:48,549 - You told your boss... - Thank you, I'll see you there. 219 00:07:48,574 --> 00:07:50,084 Winston, you ready for the tour? 220 00:07:50,109 --> 00:07:51,115 - Hmm? - The what? 221 00:07:51,140 --> 00:07:52,839 Huh? Yea... 222 00:07:52,979 --> 00:07:55,115 Here's what happened, let me explain this. 223 00:07:55,140 --> 00:07:57,982 Um, I offered Don a tour of the precinct, 224 00:07:58,017 --> 00:08:00,162 he accepted, and now it's happening. 225 00:08:01,217 --> 00:08:03,340 - Okay, Winston? Winston! - Yeah? 226 00:08:03,365 --> 00:08:04,822 You better make sure that this is the worst tour 227 00:08:04,857 --> 00:08:06,342 that you've ever given anyone in your life. 228 00:08:06,367 --> 00:08:07,545 And that's gonna be tough. 229 00:08:07,601 --> 00:08:10,733 I've given some really bad tours. 230 00:08:12,828 --> 00:08:15,608 Okay, does this rendering represent 231 00:08:15,647 --> 00:08:17,139 the incident in question? 232 00:08:17,164 --> 00:08:18,623 There was way more blood. 233 00:08:18,648 --> 00:08:20,342 Wait, come on, it was not this violent. 234 00:08:20,367 --> 00:08:22,358 It was way worse. Grown men fainted. 235 00:08:22,383 --> 00:08:23,475 Jess, I found something. 236 00:08:23,500 --> 00:08:24,912 The hospital billed Robby for 237 00:08:24,937 --> 00:08:28,225 the Larry King Preemptive Memorial Post-Op Recovery Suite. 238 00:08:28,280 --> 00:08:29,613 That's obviously a mistake. 239 00:08:29,638 --> 00:08:30,904 Uh, that's not a mistake, actually. 240 00:08:30,929 --> 00:08:31,983 I needed a private room 241 00:08:32,008 --> 00:08:33,490 because a lot of times in my dreams, 242 00:08:33,515 --> 00:08:35,826 I'm thinking about concerts that I really enjoy going to, 243 00:08:35,851 --> 00:08:38,483 so it's just a lot of me clapping and singing along. 244 00:08:39,641 --> 00:08:40,850 I can't afford this. 245 00:08:40,875 --> 00:08:42,541 Well, you don't have to, just let me pay. 246 00:08:42,566 --> 00:08:44,139 No, you don't pay. I pay! 247 00:08:44,164 --> 00:08:45,606 What if no one pays? 248 00:08:45,638 --> 00:08:47,698 From my drawing, I don't see any signage. 249 00:08:47,733 --> 00:08:49,887 Do you see any signage? So here's my question. 250 00:08:49,912 --> 00:08:51,145 Do you remember seeing 251 00:08:51,170 --> 00:08:53,370 any safety signs near the machine? 252 00:08:53,406 --> 00:08:55,608 - This is important. - There was just a poster saying that 253 00:08:55,633 --> 00:08:57,068 they were closed on Veteran's Day. 254 00:08:57,093 --> 00:08:58,226 That's what I wanted to hear. 255 00:08:58,251 --> 00:09:00,092 Folks, we got a lawsuit. 256 00:09:00,117 --> 00:09:01,083 - Good job. - Great. 257 00:09:01,108 --> 00:09:02,326 Seriously, guys, just let me pay this. 258 00:09:02,351 --> 00:09:03,428 Say that one more time. 259 00:09:03,453 --> 00:09:05,358 Say that you're gonna pay one more time and see what happens. 260 00:09:05,383 --> 00:09:06,850 Wow, okay. 261 00:09:06,886 --> 00:09:08,886 You know what usually calms me down? 262 00:09:08,921 --> 00:09:11,514 - A good mall walk. - No, we're suing the gym. 263 00:09:11,539 --> 00:09:12,803 Nick, take it away. 264 00:09:12,828 --> 00:09:15,115 Well, I would love to, but legally, 265 00:09:15,140 --> 00:09:16,178 I can't practice law. 266 00:09:16,203 --> 00:09:18,095 Yeah, I have a really good lawyer, she's an animal. 267 00:09:18,130 --> 00:09:19,163 So you're on board now? 268 00:09:19,198 --> 00:09:21,232 Yeah, I just go with the flow. 269 00:09:21,267 --> 00:09:22,647 I'm gonna call my gal. 270 00:09:23,936 --> 00:09:25,412 - We need the office. - What's wrong? 271 00:09:25,437 --> 00:09:28,506 Yeah, so, Schmidt booked Donovan a photo shoot at Ass Strat, 272 00:09:28,531 --> 00:09:30,139 but Donovan just quit modeling 273 00:09:30,164 --> 00:09:31,597 so that he could become a cop. 274 00:09:31,622 --> 00:09:32,643 A cop? 275 00:09:32,668 --> 00:09:34,211 It's my boss, Kim. 276 00:09:34,247 --> 00:09:35,296 God, I hate her. 277 00:09:35,321 --> 00:09:38,318 Hello, Kimberly. You sound like your skin looks amazing. 278 00:09:38,343 --> 00:09:40,629 All right, Reagan, you can get to reading. 279 00:09:40,654 --> 00:09:42,753 We can stick around if you want us to. 280 00:09:42,795 --> 00:09:44,076 - I don't think it's necessary. - You need us? 281 00:09:44,101 --> 00:09:45,256 - We'll stick around for you. - I don't think so. 282 00:09:45,281 --> 00:09:46,220 Yeah, we'll stick around. 283 00:09:46,245 --> 00:09:47,248 - Winston! - Winston! 284 00:09:47,273 --> 00:09:48,281 Me! 285 00:09:48,306 --> 00:09:50,162 Did you make police work look as boring as possible? 286 00:09:50,194 --> 00:09:51,794 I want so badly to tell you yes, 287 00:09:51,829 --> 00:09:53,529 but there was a situation. 288 00:09:54,139 --> 00:09:56,532 Protect and serve, more like protect and snooze. 289 00:09:56,567 --> 00:09:59,203 Yeah, this is boring. 290 00:09:59,228 --> 00:10:00,654 Bishop, 291 00:10:00,679 --> 00:10:02,233 a word. 292 00:10:03,701 --> 00:10:05,674 And the word is... 293 00:10:06,209 --> 00:10:08,608 "moo." 294 00:10:09,068 --> 00:10:11,045 Moo! 295 00:10:11,249 --> 00:10:13,397 Shut up! I-I'm the C.O.W.? 296 00:10:13,422 --> 00:10:15,129 I'm the... I'm the cop of the week? 297 00:10:15,154 --> 00:10:17,872 ? Celebrate good times ? 298 00:10:17,897 --> 00:10:18,903 ? Moo moo ? 299 00:10:18,928 --> 00:10:21,557 ? Celebrate good times ? 300 00:10:21,603 --> 00:10:22,732 ? Moo moo ? 301 00:10:22,757 --> 00:10:23,897 I'm home! 302 00:10:23,951 --> 00:10:25,428 Well, congratulations, Winston, 303 00:10:25,463 --> 00:10:27,373 on finally making C.O.W. 304 00:10:27,398 --> 00:10:28,631 And damn you! 305 00:10:28,666 --> 00:10:30,834 Cece, we're gonna have go put out a menopause fire. 306 00:10:30,859 --> 00:10:32,115 - Let's go! - I made C.O.W., though. 307 00:10:32,140 --> 00:10:33,780 I made C.O.W., we ain't forgetting about all that. 308 00:10:33,805 --> 00:10:35,693 Okay, so, my lawyer says I don't have a case 309 00:10:35,718 --> 00:10:37,583 against the gym because I signed a waiver. 310 00:10:37,608 --> 00:10:40,109 A waiver? Jess, you did not say anything about a waiver. 311 00:10:40,144 --> 00:10:41,506 Was that it? 312 00:10:41,531 --> 00:10:43,145 She didn't advise me on anything else. 313 00:10:43,181 --> 00:10:44,313 Okay. 314 00:10:44,348 --> 00:10:45,781 No one says the word "advise" 315 00:10:45,817 --> 00:10:47,783 unless they got advice, so what did she advise? 316 00:10:47,819 --> 00:10:50,119 Uh... oh, no. 317 00:10:50,146 --> 00:10:51,623 - What did she advise? - She didn't... it just wasn't... 318 00:10:51,656 --> 00:10:53,089 - What did she advise? - It didn't... 319 00:10:53,114 --> 00:10:54,600 Come on, what did she advise? 320 00:10:54,625 --> 00:10:56,764 - She advised that I sue! - I knew it! Who? 321 00:10:56,789 --> 00:10:57,912 You. 322 00:10:58,571 --> 00:11:00,103 Me? 323 00:11:00,998 --> 00:11:02,921 - Nick, can I read your book? - I was just about to suggest it. 324 00:11:02,946 --> 00:11:04,937 - Let's get out of here. - Schmidt and Cece need me. 325 00:11:08,639 --> 00:11:11,285 Whoa! God, what's that smell? 326 00:11:11,553 --> 00:11:13,739 I'm not gonna sue you, Jess. Was that not clear? 327 00:11:13,764 --> 00:11:15,778 I told my lawyer that you're just an innocent bystander. 328 00:11:15,803 --> 00:11:18,348 Okay? So, if we can, uh, hit the mall? 329 00:11:18,373 --> 00:11:22,098 I mean, there is a big sale at this Japanese cereal store. 330 00:11:22,123 --> 00:11:23,514 It sounds amazing. 331 00:11:23,539 --> 00:11:26,349 You really think I was an innocent bystander, do you? 332 00:11:26,374 --> 00:11:27,842 - Is that bad? - Yeah. 333 00:11:27,850 --> 00:11:30,082 I'm just saying that I don't really think 334 00:11:30,107 --> 00:11:32,614 that you, uh, ever do anything wrong. 335 00:11:32,701 --> 00:11:35,318 - Anything? Ever? - Oh, we're starting to get into this. 336 00:11:35,343 --> 00:11:38,434 Look... I know a great place where we can hash this over. 337 00:11:38,459 --> 00:11:39,790 It's a place called Hash It Over. 338 00:11:39,815 --> 00:11:41,209 It's in the food court at the mall, it's a hash brown... 339 00:11:41,234 --> 00:11:43,264 We're not going to the mall. 340 00:11:51,459 --> 00:11:53,124 - Why are you watching... - Why am I watching you? 341 00:11:53,149 --> 00:11:54,163 Why are you? 342 00:11:54,188 --> 00:11:55,561 - I'm not anymore. - Okay. 343 00:11:55,586 --> 00:11:57,124 Weird to watch. 344 00:11:57,149 --> 00:11:58,241 That's why I'm not gonna do it. 345 00:11:58,266 --> 00:11:59,467 - Great. - Bye. 346 00:11:59,492 --> 00:12:01,405 I thought this was about a bill, but apparently, 347 00:12:01,430 --> 00:12:02,863 it's about our whole relationship. 348 00:12:02,888 --> 00:12:05,934 How could I date someone who doesn't see me realistically? 349 00:12:05,959 --> 00:12:08,389 - No, but, Jess... - I mess stuff up all the time. 350 00:12:08,414 --> 00:12:09,772 Ask Nick. He knows. 351 00:12:09,797 --> 00:12:11,255 Nick, do I mess things up? 352 00:12:11,280 --> 00:12:13,045 You know it, baby. Bye! 353 00:12:13,070 --> 00:12:15,215 I promised I wouldn't come back, 354 00:12:15,248 --> 00:12:18,021 but it is a little uncomfortable out there. 355 00:12:20,734 --> 00:12:22,202 Jess, I know that you have flaws. 356 00:12:22,227 --> 00:12:23,819 Okay, name one. 357 00:12:24,053 --> 00:12:25,999 Uh... Easy. 358 00:12:26,024 --> 00:12:28,053 You walk too fast through a museum. 359 00:12:28,078 --> 00:12:30,655 Although, it is pretty good, because we get to see everything 360 00:12:30,680 --> 00:12:32,467 and then we have time for the cafe afterwards. 361 00:12:32,492 --> 00:12:34,639 I'm gonna say that overall it enriches the experience. 362 00:12:34,664 --> 00:12:36,083 That is just a compliment! 363 00:12:36,108 --> 00:12:39,194 I will be in the cubicle drinking myself numb. 364 00:12:39,341 --> 00:12:41,574 - Please, keep fighting. - Appreciate it. 365 00:12:41,610 --> 00:12:43,397 I am paying a top-notch photographer 366 00:12:43,422 --> 00:12:45,358 to sit around and bitch about how hard it is 367 00:12:45,383 --> 00:12:47,265 to find French cigarettes in Los Angeles. 368 00:12:47,290 --> 00:12:49,514 - Where's the model? - Changing. 369 00:12:49,539 --> 00:12:52,686 Yeah, um, uh, Donovan, are you almost ready? 370 00:12:52,711 --> 00:12:54,569 I am changing. 371 00:12:54,594 --> 00:12:56,289 I am Donovan. 372 00:12:56,324 --> 00:12:57,553 What agency did you use again? 373 00:12:57,578 --> 00:12:59,147 Cece's Boys. 374 00:12:59,172 --> 00:13:01,702 Look... Cece herself showed up. She's very hands-on. 375 00:13:01,727 --> 00:13:03,303 That's your wife. I've met her many times. 376 00:13:03,328 --> 00:13:04,553 Schmidt, if this falls through... 377 00:13:04,578 --> 00:13:06,045 Look, my client will be here, 378 00:13:06,070 --> 00:13:09,663 and if for some reason he's not, that is on me and only me. 379 00:13:09,688 --> 00:13:11,756 I'm gonna go shout into a toilet. 380 00:13:13,147 --> 00:13:14,616 Okay, well, what are we gonna do now? 381 00:13:14,641 --> 00:13:16,307 Babe, we are not gonna do anything, okay? 382 00:13:16,332 --> 00:13:17,865 You have done so much for me, 383 00:13:17,890 --> 00:13:20,826 more than any normal person, and I love you. 384 00:13:21,061 --> 00:13:23,883 But if I am gonna graduate from the dining room table, 385 00:13:23,908 --> 00:13:27,710 I need to learn how to manage my clients on my own. 386 00:13:27,756 --> 00:13:29,222 Okay. 387 00:13:30,834 --> 00:13:32,792 Oh, man, that was intense. 388 00:13:32,820 --> 00:13:35,543 Uh, also, Schmidt, I printed something... do you know where it went? 389 00:13:35,568 --> 00:13:36,685 - Not now. - Okay. 390 00:13:36,710 --> 00:13:38,334 Okay, it's voice mail. 391 00:13:39,267 --> 00:13:40,633 Donovan... 392 00:13:40,702 --> 00:13:43,318 I know that you don't want to be tied down, okay? 393 00:13:43,343 --> 00:13:45,972 But that's why being a model is... 394 00:13:46,007 --> 00:13:47,287 perfect for you. 395 00:13:47,312 --> 00:13:49,043 Because if you're a cop, 396 00:13:49,068 --> 00:13:51,521 then you're just gonna be a cop. 397 00:13:51,546 --> 00:13:55,915 But if you're a model, then you can be everyone. 398 00:13:56,334 --> 00:14:00,186 You can be an ice cream man, a rocketeer, a jewel thief, 399 00:14:00,222 --> 00:14:02,647 or an underwear guy in a 10 million dollar loft 400 00:14:02,672 --> 00:14:04,591 whose only furniture is a telescope. 401 00:14:04,626 --> 00:14:06,481 So, help me... 402 00:14:06,506 --> 00:14:08,357 help you... 403 00:14:08,382 --> 00:14:11,431 become the everyone that you can be! 404 00:14:11,498 --> 00:14:13,216 - That's how you do it! - That was awesome! 405 00:14:13,241 --> 00:14:14,295 - Yes! - Right? 406 00:14:14,320 --> 00:14:15,701 That was amazing. 407 00:14:15,974 --> 00:14:17,482 It felt good. 408 00:14:17,507 --> 00:14:19,240 - You think it worked? - Couldn't tell you. 409 00:14:19,265 --> 00:14:20,670 I know you're capable of messing up. 410 00:14:20,695 --> 00:14:22,287 Really? Because you won't even admit 411 00:14:22,312 --> 00:14:23,771 that the gym thing is my fault. 412 00:14:23,796 --> 00:14:26,459 Your lawyer wants you to sue me, 413 00:14:26,484 --> 00:14:27,951 and frankly, I agree with her. 414 00:14:27,976 --> 00:14:29,638 - So sue me. - I am not gonna sue you. 415 00:14:29,663 --> 00:14:31,601 Then how can I ever trust you? 416 00:14:31,633 --> 00:14:32,646 That doesn't make any sense. 417 00:14:32,671 --> 00:14:34,107 You know what? If you're not gonna sue me, 418 00:14:34,132 --> 00:14:35,255 - then get out of here. - Fine. 419 00:14:35,310 --> 00:14:36,537 But I will tell you this: 420 00:14:36,562 --> 00:14:40,099 you will not be hearing from my lawyer. 421 00:14:40,576 --> 00:14:42,013 - Bye, Nick. - See you, Robby. 422 00:14:42,038 --> 00:14:43,364 I forgot you were there. 423 00:14:43,389 --> 00:14:44,536 Reagan was right. 424 00:14:44,561 --> 00:14:47,400 These noise-canceling headphones are really broken. 425 00:14:47,435 --> 00:14:49,036 I could hear everything. 426 00:14:53,552 --> 00:14:56,019 God, why are tiny rakes so soothing? 427 00:14:56,054 --> 00:14:59,489 You know, I think I'm finally starting to understand momentum. 428 00:14:59,525 --> 00:15:02,630 Which, apparently, my book does not have. 429 00:15:02,685 --> 00:15:04,794 Nick, everyone loves it. 430 00:15:04,950 --> 00:15:07,011 Robby wrote fan fiction for it. 431 00:15:07,036 --> 00:15:08,599 - He wrote fan fiction? - Yeah. 432 00:15:08,635 --> 00:15:10,768 - That means the world to me. - He loves it so much. 433 00:15:10,803 --> 00:15:13,395 Don't take this the wrong way about Robby, but... 434 00:15:13,622 --> 00:15:15,878 he is way too good for you. 435 00:15:15,903 --> 00:15:17,408 He's way too good for everybody. 436 00:15:17,477 --> 00:15:18,816 I know. 437 00:15:18,841 --> 00:15:20,417 What is wrong with me? 438 00:15:21,520 --> 00:15:22,683 Oh... 439 00:15:22,828 --> 00:15:24,368 Any insight, ex to ex? 440 00:15:24,393 --> 00:15:26,160 Of what's wrong with you? 441 00:15:27,325 --> 00:15:29,739 Oh, this feels like a trap. 442 00:15:29,794 --> 00:15:32,792 Well, you know, maybe when things are going good, 443 00:15:32,817 --> 00:15:35,753 you get scared and you look for reasons to doubt it. 444 00:15:35,778 --> 00:15:37,005 Yeah. 445 00:15:37,700 --> 00:15:39,074 Is that what happened with us? 446 00:15:39,099 --> 00:15:41,802 I mean, I can't begin to understand what happened with us, 447 00:15:41,827 --> 00:15:42,927 but maybe. 448 00:15:43,122 --> 00:15:44,816 So, what are you gonna do about Reagan? 449 00:15:44,841 --> 00:15:47,772 I don't know. Her opinion means a lot to me, so... 450 00:15:47,807 --> 00:15:50,107 Well, I think that's good you're letting yourself be vulnerable. 451 00:15:50,135 --> 00:15:51,480 Was I not that with you? 452 00:15:51,505 --> 00:15:52,980 Who knows what happened with us? 453 00:15:53,005 --> 00:15:55,380 We were just kids. Like... 454 00:15:55,446 --> 00:15:58,126 you had a box, and I wanted you to get a bank account. 455 00:15:58,151 --> 00:16:00,160 - Well, they're kind of the same thing. - Well... 456 00:16:00,185 --> 00:16:02,753 You wanted to live on a lake; I wanted to live on Mars. 457 00:16:02,789 --> 00:16:04,769 You wanted to be a truck driver on Mars, 458 00:16:04,794 --> 00:16:06,691 - which is impractical. - Well, I need to work. I need to work. 459 00:16:06,733 --> 00:16:08,299 - I don't want to fight with you. - Let's not fight. 460 00:16:08,328 --> 00:16:11,429 Let's not get into the details again. 461 00:16:11,464 --> 00:16:13,164 Look, to getting older and wiser. 462 00:16:13,199 --> 00:16:15,559 And hopefully, a little bit better. 463 00:16:15,584 --> 00:16:17,584 - Cheers. - Cheers. 464 00:16:21,004 --> 00:16:23,292 All right, time to face the music. 465 00:16:24,543 --> 00:16:25,809 Yeah. 466 00:16:25,845 --> 00:16:28,324 Relationships are so hard. 467 00:16:28,714 --> 00:16:30,114 I know. 468 00:16:31,271 --> 00:16:33,949 But we can't stay in here forever, can we? 469 00:16:44,196 --> 00:16:45,829 No, we can't. 470 00:16:46,103 --> 00:16:47,869 No, we can't. 471 00:16:48,400 --> 00:16:49,760 Okay. 472 00:16:54,621 --> 00:16:56,610 I'm taking the gin with me, though. 473 00:16:56,635 --> 00:16:59,524 Alcohol is kind of a cubicle for the insides. 474 00:16:59,549 --> 00:17:01,509 Nick, you're like a... 475 00:17:01,534 --> 00:17:03,203 drunk Maya Angelou. 476 00:17:03,485 --> 00:17:05,477 Not the first time I heard that. 477 00:17:05,502 --> 00:17:07,680 No, I don't want to buy your weed. 478 00:17:07,705 --> 00:17:10,953 Yes, I understand how primo it is. 479 00:17:12,759 --> 00:17:14,959 Well, Donovan's mom is a dead end. 480 00:17:15,261 --> 00:17:17,094 Ooh, hey, Kim. Look, it's Donovan. 481 00:17:17,129 --> 00:17:18,203 Hey. 482 00:17:18,228 --> 00:17:20,703 That's Winston. I know these people, Schmidt. 483 00:17:20,728 --> 00:17:23,781 I've met them, and their pictures are everywhere. 484 00:17:23,813 --> 00:17:25,328 Why is everyone standing around? 485 00:17:25,353 --> 00:17:26,930 - Yes! - Donovan! 486 00:17:27,073 --> 00:17:29,047 Sorry, Winston, I can't be a cop. 487 00:17:29,072 --> 00:17:31,031 My manager convinced me to be a model. 488 00:17:31,056 --> 00:17:33,742 Welcome to Cece's Boys, Donovan. 489 00:17:34,031 --> 00:17:35,608 Oh, yes. 490 00:17:36,490 --> 00:17:38,077 Kim is happy. 491 00:17:51,192 --> 00:17:52,706 - Hey. - Hi. 492 00:17:54,774 --> 00:17:56,140 Cool windbreaker. 493 00:17:56,165 --> 00:17:57,598 - Is that new? - Yeah. 494 00:17:57,623 --> 00:17:59,904 I just went to the mall; I did a little retail therapy. 495 00:17:59,929 --> 00:18:00,873 Yeah. 496 00:18:00,898 --> 00:18:02,857 Look, I'm really sorry about today. 497 00:18:02,882 --> 00:18:05,549 I shouldn't be looking for things to go wrong. 498 00:18:05,574 --> 00:18:08,146 It's just... a thing that I do. 499 00:18:08,171 --> 00:18:09,591 I'm sorry, too. 500 00:18:09,616 --> 00:18:11,349 I mean, sometimes I act more like a... 501 00:18:11,374 --> 00:18:13,060 superfan than a boyfriend. 502 00:18:13,085 --> 00:18:14,458 And I don't want to do that with you. 503 00:18:14,483 --> 00:18:16,396 I don't want to do my thing, either. 504 00:18:16,421 --> 00:18:17,654 It's going really well. 505 00:18:17,679 --> 00:18:18,979 Especially considering it started 506 00:18:19,004 --> 00:18:21,404 with you dropping 175 pounds of iron on my face. 507 00:18:21,429 --> 00:18:23,062 So you admit it's my fault! 508 00:18:23,087 --> 00:18:26,355 Okay, I'll admit that... it's half your fault. 509 00:18:26,380 --> 00:18:30,193 I mean, look, I could have yelled out and said "stop" or something, but... 510 00:18:30,669 --> 00:18:32,436 I wanted you to kiss me. 511 00:18:32,471 --> 00:18:33,670 And hey, 512 00:18:33,706 --> 00:18:35,373 I'm paying that medical bill, okay? 513 00:18:35,398 --> 00:18:36,951 Because... I'm rich. 514 00:18:36,976 --> 00:18:39,591 Okay, fine. But I am knitting you 515 00:18:39,616 --> 00:18:41,904 $200,000 worth of scarves. 516 00:18:41,929 --> 00:18:43,224 Final offer. 517 00:18:43,919 --> 00:18:45,029 Deal. 518 00:18:46,154 --> 00:18:48,294 Now stand still... I'm coming in for the romantic gesture. 519 00:18:48,319 --> 00:18:49,553 Oh! 520 00:18:50,392 --> 00:18:51,725 Are you wearing perfume? 521 00:18:51,758 --> 00:18:54,146 I hugged a limo driver. 522 00:18:55,591 --> 00:18:57,928 - Oh, my God! Nick! - Geez. 523 00:18:57,963 --> 00:19:00,013 Oh, my God. 524 00:19:00,038 --> 00:19:02,537 Oh... uh... 525 00:19:02,562 --> 00:19:03,810 I, uh... 526 00:19:03,835 --> 00:19:05,368 Fell asleep on my book. 527 00:19:05,742 --> 00:19:06,908 It's okay. 528 00:19:06,933 --> 00:19:09,724 Agatha Christie's husband, David... 529 00:19:10,030 --> 00:19:12,431 notoriously hated her writing. 530 00:19:12,456 --> 00:19:13,889 Hated it. 531 00:19:13,914 --> 00:19:15,447 But they had other things, you know? 532 00:19:15,472 --> 00:19:16,982 They had surfing, dogs... 533 00:19:17,007 --> 00:19:19,626 they... they rescued a lot of dogs... 534 00:19:19,652 --> 00:19:20,818 had electric sex... 535 00:19:20,843 --> 00:19:22,021 I'm afraid I'm not gonna like your book. 536 00:19:22,046 --> 00:19:23,131 Thank you for stopping me... 537 00:19:23,156 --> 00:19:24,146 I don't even know what I was talking about. 538 00:19:24,193 --> 00:19:26,098 I don't know anything about Agatha Christie. 539 00:19:26,123 --> 00:19:29,323 Honestly, I've never really liked fiction. 540 00:19:29,348 --> 00:19:30,662 It puts me to sleep. 541 00:19:30,687 --> 00:19:32,286 Okay. 542 00:19:32,311 --> 00:19:34,277 That helps, to know that. 543 00:19:34,529 --> 00:19:36,829 Why didn't you just say that before? 544 00:19:37,879 --> 00:19:39,178 I was embarrassed, 545 00:19:39,203 --> 00:19:40,536 and I didn't want you to think 546 00:19:40,561 --> 00:19:43,361 that I'm not excited to read your book, because I am. 547 00:19:43,386 --> 00:19:44,669 I am excited. 548 00:19:44,694 --> 00:19:46,893 So... you're excited to read my book, 549 00:19:46,918 --> 00:19:48,924 you just might fall asleep when you read it, 550 00:19:48,949 --> 00:19:50,080 but it's not personal. 551 00:19:50,105 --> 00:19:51,158 Yes. 552 00:19:51,183 --> 00:19:52,315 Okay. 553 00:19:55,243 --> 00:19:57,376 - It's a lot of pages. - It is, yeah. 554 00:19:57,401 --> 00:19:59,901 Would it help if I read some of it out loud? 555 00:19:59,926 --> 00:20:01,845 Just so you get the New Orleans flavor? 556 00:20:01,870 --> 00:20:03,275 I think it will. 557 00:20:08,421 --> 00:20:11,964 "Julius Pepperwood loved three things in his life... 558 00:20:11,999 --> 00:20:13,966 "his gumbo... 559 00:20:14,001 --> 00:20:15,768 "his sex... 560 00:20:15,803 --> 00:20:17,499 "and more of that sweet gumbo. 561 00:20:20,041 --> 00:20:22,374 "Her legs were as long as the deep..." 562 00:20:22,410 --> 00:20:24,710 You have got to be kidding me! 563 00:20:24,735 --> 00:20:26,117 Just kidding. 564 00:20:28,663 --> 00:20:29,968 What's wrong with the house again? 565 00:20:29,993 --> 00:20:31,976 Well, I'm just worried about this one room. 566 00:20:32,001 --> 00:20:34,648 - Mm-hmm. - It feels like it's becoming... 567 00:20:34,673 --> 00:20:36,046 your home office. 568 00:20:38,671 --> 00:20:40,031 Oh, my God. 569 00:20:40,056 --> 00:20:41,906 I can't believe that you did this! 570 00:20:41,931 --> 00:20:43,230 It's... 571 00:20:45,416 --> 00:20:46,663 It's so amazing. 572 00:20:46,688 --> 00:20:49,201 - Look at that. EstroFuel. - And a... 573 00:20:49,237 --> 00:20:51,820 framed, shirtless picture of you. 574 00:20:51,845 --> 00:20:54,015 Well... I'm the original Cece's boy. 575 00:20:54,040 --> 00:20:55,601 OGCB fo' life. 576 00:20:55,626 --> 00:20:58,249 I love it so much, babe. I love it so much, 577 00:20:58,274 --> 00:20:59,796 I can't wait to start working here. 578 00:20:59,821 --> 00:21:01,929 And I'm gonna start working here right now. 579 00:21:01,954 --> 00:21:04,917 This very second while there are no distractions. 580 00:21:04,942 --> 00:21:06,710 N-no d... no distractions. 581 00:21:06,735 --> 00:21:08,831 It's perfect. Thank you. Total silence. 582 00:21:08,856 --> 00:21:10,390 It's incredible. What a sanctuary. 583 00:21:10,415 --> 00:21:11,926 Complete silence. You got it. 584 00:21:11,951 --> 00:21:13,865 I love you. Have fun. 585 00:21:13,890 --> 00:21:15,423 You... No distractions. 586 00:21:17,548 --> 00:21:19,453 Abort. Abort. Abort. 587 00:21:19,478 --> 00:21:22,279 But Robby wrote a Cece's Boys theme song for the band. 588 00:21:22,304 --> 00:21:24,874 - Schmidt? - Scatter! Scatter! Go, go! 589 00:21:30,049 --> 00:21:32,054 ? Los Cece's Boys. ? 590 00:21:32,102 --> 00:21:34,571 Synced and corrected by Aaronnmb www.addic7ed.com